April 30, 2012

Things and Such

1. The first week of my calorie-countin' diet thingy with my mom went very well.  I lost 4 lbs!  I can't even remember the last time I lost 4 lbs.  Huzzah!

2. To balance out the good feelings, I also got my period.  That is the opposite of Huzzah!  Blerg.


And the ladies of the internet collectively removed their underpants.
4. Also Jaqen.  Whoa.  Not topless, but Whoa.


5. Ygritte next week!

6. I spent most of the weekend lounging in bed reading books.  If eating had been added to the equation you basically have exactly what I want to be when I grow up.

7. I'm thinking about challenging myself to reading the 50 greatest books of all time according to this list. Obviously, that's a pretty subjective list, but I love a good concise list.  And a lot of them I haven't read.  Just an idea.

8. I feel like 7 is a weird number to end a list on, so this is item number 8.  Underwhelming, I know.

April 26, 2012

Imaginary Boyfriend Thursday... Imaginary Date Night Version

I figured an imaginary date night with my imaginary boyfriend was an excellent way to combine two of my current obsessions into one tidy little package all tied up with a sparkly pink bow.

So first we have the Game of Thrones component, obviously.  My new imaginary boyfriend Joe Dempsie plays the adorable, protective pseudo-brother character Gendry to every one's favorite HBIC Arya Stark.


(Note: It is super hard to find photos of Joe Dempsie where he is not a) covered in filth and grime as Gendry in Game of Thrones or b) looking like a goofy boy as Chris in Skins.  Attention media: we need more current photos of Joe Dempsie. Immediately.)

And the next component in this imaginary date night is the super adorable date night outfit I put together for my imaginary self on Polyvore.

What I Wish I Wore 11

The thing is that Joe is a shorty.  And I am 5'8".  So in those 5 inch platforms, it will look like Brienne of Tarth is taking Tyrion Lannister out for a good time in King's Landing.  Super cute, you guys.

Mad props to these two.  I just couldn't.

But since this is an imaginary date I can be whatever height I want.  So I am now 5'3" and I have dainty size 5 feet.  And my legs are so skinny that sometimes people think I have an eating disorder.  But, obviously, I don't because I also eat everything in sight and I never have to exercise because my metabolism is so crazy.

So I don't know where Joe and I are going, but I'm sure it will involve eating (with this new metabolism I might as well) and lots of crazy hi jinks and laughs.  And then...

... a goodnight kiss at the top of the London Eye.  Cheesy, but also pretty cute, you guys.

April 25, 2012

Boyfriend Thieves

Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me.

Specifically I dreamt that Richard Madden loved me and one of you assholes was trying to steal him from me.

Did anyone else feel like Robb was super turned on by
Talisa cutting that guys foot off on the last episode?
Amputated foot fetish?

Not cool, you guys.

I'm not sure which of you it was, and I'm also not really sure of the logistics of how one gets their boyfriend stolen by someone on the internet.  But I'm still super pissed about it.

April 23, 2012

What I Wish I Wore...

I think this is my favorite one yet.  I would wear this every single day until it rotted off
of my body. Hand to God.

What I Wish I Wore 6


So the whole boot camp thing... let's just say it didn't go very well.

I made it through 3 weeks (actually more like 2 1/4 weeks) and then quit spectacularly.

I quit because of reasons.  So many reasons.

a) I hated it.
b) I hated it with the fury of a thousand fiery suns.
c) I hated it and I hated its ass face.

Here's a visual representation of how I felt most days when I left boot camp class:

So that's how that went in a nutshell.

The past few weeks I have just really lost my oomph and motivation so hard.  Then last week my mom asked if I would be interested in doing a diet/exercise thingamajig together.  Sometimes I just need to start over with a clean slate to get myself back in the right head space. I'm hoping this is the ticket.

We're keeping it super simple.  Just counting calories and walking every day together, but I think it will be good to start establishing a little structure for a couple of weeks.

Also, an added bonus of getting back into an exercise routine will be having an excuse to bust out the ol' Zubazs.

Stars and stripes, my friends.  Like a real American.

April 20, 2012

What I Wish I Wore Today

I promise I'm going to stop it with these any day now.  I'm currently trying to fill
 the gaping void in my soul that I usually stuff full of food with theoretical
shopping sprees on the internet.  It's not working, but it sure is fun!

What I Wish I Wore 4/20/2012

April 19, 2012

What I Wish I Wore...

So I think I am becoming addicted to Polyvore.  It's like shopping with
unlimited amounts of money for things you will never wear, and, in my case,
absolutely could not fit into.  It's delightful!

This is what I wish I were wearing today.  I also wish I were sitting on a boat dock
 reading Architectural Digest.

What I Wish I Wore 4/19/2012

Mango blouse, £28
J Brand shorts, $205
Sperry Top-Sider shoes, $182
See by Chloe shoulder bag, $325
Saskia Diez bracelet, $398

At least today's outfit  comes in under $1500!  Totally do-able, you guys!!

Imaginary Boyfriend Thursday... Inevitable Edition

I've played hard to get with this one for weeks... playing coy, pretending indifference, delaying the inevitable.

Probably because he is such an obvious choice.   I mean, he is everyone's favorite.  I thought I preferred someone more distinctive and unusual.

But it turns out I am just as much a sucker for his curly hair, impeccably groomed facial hair, and accent (sweet Jesus the accent) as the rest of creation.

And that is why I salute you, Richard Madden, and declare you my imaginary Scottish boyfriend (for the week).

Guh.  He's even better in motion, you guys.

And then there is this:

"Madden had a steep learning curve in the past. After joining the local youth acting school, PACE, to "get more confidence before going to high school”, his talent was spotted early. He was scouted for his first acting role at the age of 11, when he played alongside Jonny Lee Miller in the 2000 cinema adaptation of the Iain Banks novel Complicity. Madden played a young rape victim, an experience which “didn’t bode well for high school,” he says, and led to bullying. 

... I was about 15 and I felt I had to stop after … experiences,” he says, hesitating. He is clearly referring to the trouble he received at school which was, he says, “quite difficult to swallow … But at 17 going on 18, I had to make a decision about what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, and I knew that I needed to do acting as a job, and I wanted to do it more than anything else." 

Poor BB was bullied, you guys!  I just want to wrap him in a blanket and make him pancakes!!! And then climb him like a blanket and pancake tree.  I have no idea what that even means.

April 18, 2012

I Wish I...

Were braver.

Had size 5 feet.

And long, slender fingers.

Were 3 inches shorter.

Could speak at least 2 other languages with ease.

Had a musical ear.

And perfect pitch.

Could give away everything I own without a moment's hesitation.

Had a talent so singularly obvious I would never have to question what my life's purpose should be.

Were bold.

And masterful at Photoshop.

Had the ability to draw with any level of skill.

Was best friends with Ricky Gervais.  Stephen Merchant too.

Had one of those metabolisms.

Had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a six four Impala.

In other news, is it possible to have a case of the Mondays on Wednesday? Because that's what I'm currently dealing with.  That or total and complete apathy.

Also, I wish I were wearing this today:

What I Wish I Wore 4/18/2012

What I Wish I Wore 4/18/2012 by luxlis featuring pyramid earrings

And all of it could be mine for the low, low price of $1,700 plux tax!!!

So I guess I also wish I were very, very rich.

April 16, 2012


My Super-Intelligent Thoughts re: Last Night's Episode of Game of Thrones

1. SAMWELL... he gave Gilly his mom's thimble. He is my a precious darling.

2. Jon Snow's hair after his scuffle with Craster made me laugh.  He seems like he would be very vain about his hair.  He was probably more upset about his hair being messed up than the cuts on his face.  I guarantee it.

3. Tyrion.  Holy shit TYRION.  Like a fucking boss.  He should totes be king. Also Tyrion and Bronn are my favorite bromance of all time.

I wish this were a real spinoff.  I would watch it so hard.

4. No King in My Pants The North AGAIN this week.  Bummer summer.

5. Best line of the entire series thus far : "These are the knights of summer and winter is coming." Chills.

6. I wanted to hate Margaery Tyrell mostly because I'm not a ginormous fan of Natalie Dormer (it's her mouth or something... I don't know), but I kind of dig her.  Girl sure does love to rock a low cut bodice.

7. Shae kind of annoys me.  The Dinklage could do better.

8. Oh Theon.... nononononoNO.  The scene when he burned the letter was ridiculously beautifully filmed though.

9. Slow clap for Arya Stark for being a BAMF.

10. I already miss Yoren.

April 12, 2012

Imaginary Boyfriend Thursday... Throwback Edition

Do any of you guys really feel like adults?  Like responsible, tax-paying, chardonnay-drinking adults?

I don't.

I think the last age I remember being good at is 13.  Seriously... I was awesome at being 13.

When I was 13 I spent an entire summer laying around a swimming pool, reading Seventeen Magazines, and day-dreaming about cute musicians.  So, basically, the same things I enjoy doing now (just swap out the teen magazine for Glamour or Architectural Digest).

Today's Imaginary Boyfriend has the honor of officially being my longest running crush.  We're pushing 20 years together (in my mind).  That's a lot longer than most marriages, you guys.  That's commitment.

His name is Graham Coxon, and when we first met he was playing guitar for Blur (a band that continues to be one of my all time favorites).  He has since moved on to make critically (and Jess)-acclaimed solo albums.  He is rad, you guys.

But the thing is... he's not really eye candy in the traditional sense.

He's got that whole nerd chic thing going on (which he was doing waaaay before Weezer and their ilk dreamt it up). He wears glasses and sweater vests and tweed and corduroy... all while on stage rocking out.

Bestill my 13 going on 31 heart.  I still think he is pretty terrific.

Here is one of my favorite songs by Graham.  I was going to pick one of his original songs, but he does a cover of The Libertines 'Time For Heroes' that blows my mind... sososo good.

April 11, 2012



This is a pug dressed as Skrillex.  

This is a pug dressed as a taun taun from Star Wars.

Click on the photo to go to a video (which I can't imbed for some reason)
of painter Chuck Close reading a letter he wrote to his younger self.  It is beautiful.
This quote from the above video...

"Inspiration is for amateurs.  The rest of us just show up and get to work."

And this song...

This is Karen O's cover of Led Zeppelin's Immigrant Song with Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross from the opening titles of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. The opening titles were my favorite part of the movie.

April 9, 2012

Tales of Infanticide and Incest

That's the alternative title I came up with for Game of Thrones.  Here are some more highly intuitive thoughts about last night's episode:

- I almost felt sorry for Theon.  ALMOST. And then he told that poor, dumb girl to smile with her mouth closed.

- From now on I will only be paying the iron price for everything. Grocery shopping is going to be tres interessant this week.

- I want to make Samwell Tarly a heaping plate of pancakes for just being so darn cute.

Look at his little face! It kills me!
- I mean, seriously, it was like a parade of adorable Samwell last night. He wanted to try to deliver Gilly's baby because he had "read about it a bit"...  no doubt on WebMD.

- Gendry and Arya. GENDRY AND ARYA!  I love their banter. So cute!

- Jaqen!! Very excited for Jaqen.  VERY.


- And once again The Dinklage brought it hardcore with the witticisms and clever clark one-liners. Like a boss... every episode.

April 5, 2012

Imaginary Boyfriend Thursday... Old Dudes Edition

Let's talk about a age-old battle... known to pit mother against daughter, sister against sister, and friend against friend in epic battles of will (and hair pulling and fingernail-clawing).

It's heartbreaking to behold.

But let it never be said that Jess ever shied away from difficult topics and controversy. Which is why it's time to choose...

His eyes are seducing me through the internet.


In Brad Pitt's dreams he is this ridiculously good looking.

If you don't know who these two are, I think we need to have a serious talk about our friendship.

Let The Hunger Games Begin! 

April 4, 2012

The Spring Reds

I think i'm suffering from bloggers block.  It's totes a thing, you guys.

Not that the material I provide here is ever top notch, but I do try for the most part.  It just ain't happening this week.

Did you know that some cases of anxiety and depression are triggered by the transition to Spring?  It's true... I read it on the internet machine so it must be.  Apparently, it has something to do with the longer days and exposure to sunlight and biorhythms or something, but it makes people feel batshit crazy.

I know I'm definitely feeling the anxiety... it's really more like a case of Holly Golightly Mean Reds.

Here are some of the things I am anxious about:

- What if my one true talent is the violin, but since I never tried it as a child I will never know that I am a violin prodigy?
- What if my car tires all explode at once while I'm driving 70 mph?
- What if I'm walking through the yard and get scraped by a stick and end up with that flesh eating bacteria because I read a story about that happening to a woman once?
- What if Rick Santorum ends up president?

Spin that all together with a bunch of random thoughts about Game of Thrones, cake, unicorns, and Harry Lloyd...

... And you have a pretty accurate representation of my brain. So basically like this:

Yes, exactly like that.

April 2, 2012

Dragon Christmas Thoughts

Here are the most intelligent things I thought about during the season premiere of Game of Thrones:

- Craster asked Jon about his "moist" vagina.  You just got hardcore burned, Jon Snow.

- Was Robb about to make out with his mom?  It really felt like it for a second.

- Melisandre is like a red Elvira.

- Where the fuck is Arya?

- Bronn and Tyrion 'til the end of time, y'all.

- Not nearly enough Samwell.

- On the list of most likely ways I will die, wine-drowning is probably in the top 5.

- Jon Snow, when you hear a story about a man marrying his daughters, begetting more daughters, and then marrying those daughters, your very first question shouldn't be about his sons.

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