10 Reasons I May Never Be An Adult

1. I am incapable of folding and putting away a basket of laundry.  The best I can manage is one or the other.

2. I have been known to eat trail mix for dinner for days in order to avoid grocery shopping.

3. One day last week I forgot to brush my teeth.  Gross, I know.

4. Remember in that M. Night Shyamalan movie Signs when the daughter kept leaving glasses of water all over the house, and that ended up playing an important part in the (not so) big twisty ending?  Yeah, my house looks like that all of the time until I force myself to gather up all of the glasses and wash them.  This usually coincides with the moment that I run out of glasses. Double gross, I know.

5. When I cook I like to pretend I am hosting my own cooking show.

6. My ringtone is the keyboard cat song.

7. I hate raw tomatoes.

8. Sometimes when someone comes to the door I hide so I don't have to answer it.

9. I can't sleep on Christmas Eve because I'm so excited.

10. I really want one of those Dorito tacos from Taco Bell.

First Five! A Confession! And A Spirit Animal!

Well I woke up this morning with Rebecca Black's Friday stuck in my head with no idea how it even got there.

But I guess that's cosmic payment for the terrible thing I did last night.

What did I do?  Weeeell... I may have downloaded something for my iPod that pretty much trumps every other awful thing I've ever downloaded.

And, you guys, I have a Ke$ha song on my iPod... and more Flo Rida than any one person has a right to own... so that's really saying something.

Okay... here goes.  Last night I downloaded this:

I know. The entire thing is on my iPod right now.

Here's the thing, though... just look at that track list!  With the exception of Christina Perri and Bruno Mars, it's pretty awesome.  And you can only get most of the songs (besides the Christina Perri and Bruno Mars) by downloading the entire GD thing.  So I did it. So there.

Okay... let's see if my iPod can palate cleanse this Rebecca Black situation away.

1. Pot Kettle Black - Tilly and the Wall

2. The Trolley Song (from Meet Me In St. Louis) - Judy Garland

3. It's Oh So Quiet - Björk

4. Nasty - Janet Jackson

5. Candyman - Christina Aguilera

Whoa, Mr iPod Man... you just blew it out of the park today.

And this photo I found on the internet machine is blowing it out of the park at pretty much explaining my entire existence.

Have a great Friday, kids! Fun Fun Fun Fun.

We Need To Get Out of Here

Ever just go through a patch when it seems like you just absolutely cannot stop spending money?

When your list of things you want to buy just seems endless?

I'm sure it has less to do with wanting things and more to do with trying to fill the gaping hole in soul.  My soul hole (*juvenile snickering).

Or it's just that I like shiny new things and lots of them.

Even my notoriously thrifty father does this, so I know I'm fairly normal.

One time we went to Sears to have his tires rotated, and by the time we left 2 hours later he had purchased binoculars, a painting, and a sack of jelly beans.

He looked at me and said, "We need to get out of here... I'm obviously in the mood to buy shit."

This week on the internet I have purchased the following:

- Prescription glasses

I'm so excited about these, you guys!

- Various books and dvds

If you've never seen this, what the eff is wrong with you?

- Shampoo 

Wen is going to change my life, you guys.
I watched an infomercial for like 30 minutes and I'm 100% positive of this.

And that seems pretty tame when you take into consideration all of the things I've almost bought on the internet this week:

- Makeup... a lot of it.

- Nail polish... a lot of it.

- Jewelry... a lot of it.

- Clothing... a lot of it.

- Watch... an expensive one.

- More books and dvds

So I think it's safe to say that we need to get me off of the internet machine until I figure out what my soul hole really needs.  Probably butter and sugar... a lot of it.

Have a great weekend, kids!

- 

Shame Spiraling

So to build on a subject introduced recently... SHAME and deep, dark SHAMEFUL SECRETS.

Everyone has a deep, dark shameful secret.  I have about 7,000 and at least 50 of them I would willingly tell you about right now... so why not?

Let's start with 5 shameful secrets.

1. I think these two are a really cute couple:

Patrick Bateman in love.

2. Today I spent at list 20 minutes googling "Kyle Richards shiny hair secrets".

I'm blinded.

Seriously, you guys... HOW?  Deep conditioning treatments?  Vitamin E?
Don't you dare say 'genetics' because I think I might just go kill myself.

3. I hate the musical 'Annie'.

Barf me to death.

4. I rarely think a baby is cute.

I'm sure this baby has a terrific personality, though.

5. I would be thrilled if my girlchild (or boychild) decided s/he wanted to be in a beauty pageant. Glitter! Makeup! Choreography!

Shame on you.

So there are 5 of my shameful secrets.  Judge away!

A Shameful Secret Relating to the Super Bowl

Today I googled 'Gisele Tom Brady Super Bowl losers' to find these photos:

Source.

Because (not so) secretly, deep down inside, I love to see beautiful (on the outside) people get humbled by the universe.

I am absolutely aware that this is one of my worst traits. So this is me (semi) apologizing to the universe for it.