Magpie Heart

In the mood for something new and shiny?  Always.


Baublebar Lightening Rod Drops

I bought these earrings to wear to the Wichita Art Museum Color Party.  It was the tenth anniversary of the party so they asked people to dress in any of the colors from the past ten parties.

I bought a cheap but awesome tonal sequin dress from Forever 34, but when it arrived I realized that I looked like 10 lbs of potatoes in a 5 lbs sack.  Nope nope nope.

I ended up wearing a black goddess-y maxi dress with neon embroidery from last summer.  I still wore the earrings, and I copied this hairstyle.

You guys, I looked like some kind of Electric Kool-Aid Earth Goddess from the Moon.  I felt awesome. Totally worth the $34.

Drunk. Terrible Lighting. Very Happy.

Klimt Tarot - Pocket Golden Edition

Use them. Frame them.  Keep them in a pretty silk pouch and just enjoy the knowledge that you possess them.  Whatevs.

Here is a good Tarot reference guide for getting started!


Real Techniques Brushes - this set, this set, and THIS BRUSH for starters

 

You guys.  You GUYS.  The expert face brush alone is worth its weight in gold.  These brushes are so ding dang cheap and so well-made... plus they are synthetic which means precious baby animals are not being harmed for your vain ass self.

I was a MAC/Sigma/Zoeva/Morphe brush-aholic.  These are better.  Plus they are so cheap that you can buy multiple sets... and you will want multiple sets.  The base shadow brush from the eyes starter set (purple brushes) is a more wonderful MAC 217.  Which anyone who spends any amount of time doing make knows is the end all be all of eye shadows brushes.  It's your base shadow brush, your crease brush, your blending brush, your concealer brush, your nose contour brush.  You can't have enough of them.

And that expert face brush will change your foundation/blush/bronzer/contour game.  So so good.

OH!  And the deluxe crease brush from the eyes starter set is my new go-to concealer blending brush!

Materialism

I like buying things.  It makes me happy.  I know I should find happiness in more philosophical (aka free) things (and I do... really!), but sometimes a new thing just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

And that is how I'm justifying the buying spree I have been on lately.

Here are just some of my recent purchases:

1. Old Navy The Rockstar super skinny jeans

I love these jeans.  They are super comfy, and they come in tall sizes.  I'm slightly perplexed as to why I have to buy tall sizes.  I think the starting off point for these sizes is 5'10" and I am 5'8", but I must be freakishly proportioned because these are just the right length (meaning just slightly too long, but that's how I like them).

2. Deux Lux purse

It's not this one exactly.  It is similar in shape, but mine is this awesome aubergine-y plum-y color.  So pretty.  It makes my materialistic heart sing every time I see it.

3. These sweaters from Forever 21

I read recently that Capricorns tend to age emotionally in reverse.  They start out as incredibly intense and serious children, and grow more light-hearted through the years.  Based on many of my clothing choices in recent months, this is pretty accurate. 

4. These OPI nail polishes



Source.



Source.

Both are from the OPI German Collection.  The top one is 'German-icure' and the bottom is 'Every Month Is Oktoberfest'. Awesome fall nail colors.

5. Season 1 and 2 of The League of Gentlemen

I'm going to barely attempt to explain this show by saying that it's sort of like a combination of Monty Python and The Twilight Zone.  So dark and bizarre and funny.  It used to be on Comedy Central forever ago.  Anyways, Mark Gatiss (writer for Dr. Who and writer/show runner for Sherlock) is in it and he is basically my hero/imaginary best friend. We'll talk more about him later.

Honestly, I could list probably 10 other things I have selfishly purchased for myself. But on the other end of the spectrum I have also purchased birthday gifts and made donations to a couple of charites so clearly I am still the saint-like person I've always portrayed myself to be.

Something More Important Than Tom Hiddleston

You guys, have you seen the Shiba Inu Puppy Cam?

I think when you get to heaven the first thing you see will be
a line of sleeping dogs with their paws sticking up in the air.
I hope so.

It's basically melting my soul into a puddle of pineapple sherbet and maple syrup.

Seriously, I watch it and it's like I can feel my heart about to explode, but in a really good way.  You know what I mean?

You should try it and see.

Let's Take An Imaginary Vacation!

Years ago when I hated entirely loathed my job, I used to play a game with myself
to decompress and escape every once in awhile.

This game has very simple, easy-to-follow rules:

1. Browse resort websites online.
2. Pick out the one you like the best.
3. Pretend you are vacationing there instead of in your office being miserable.

I heard a morning tv show mention this weekend that studies show that most people
get more enjoyment out of planning a vacation than they do out of the actual vacation.
So it turns out my imaginary vacation planning game might not be so random.

Today my imaginary boyfriend Xavi is taking me to the Seychelles for a quick getaway
before the start of Euro.

We're staying at the Four Seasons Resort.  It looks pretty rad, you guys.

And since my stomach is so perfectly flat, I'll be wearing this most of the time:

What I Wish I Wore On Holiday 1 by luxlis featuring a straw beach tote

I'll send you guys a postcard!

Imaginary Boyfriend Thursday... 100th Post Edition!

You guys, this is my blog's 100th post!

Champagne pyramid for everyone!

Well, we've accomplished a lot in 100 posts.  We've talked about boys.  We've talked about cake and other food stuffs.  We've dealt with pedophiles. And my love affair with a sea captain.

Basically, we're a band of brothers now.

That's us emerging from the rubble of my blog together. We're bonded. None of you are allowed to leave. Ever.

No, seriously. EVER.


And, as a tribute to your loyalty, I'm going to allow you unlimited snuggle time with my husband and my dog.

But only for today.

I hope he doesn't spend the whole time talking about me.

A Recipe From My Mama

Last night my mama made my favorite supper from my childhood... Porcupine Meatballs. So I thought I would share the recipe with you.

I never have to think very hard when people asked me what my Death Row Final Meal would be... it's pretty simple.

That's a big ol' heaping plate of Great Plains childhood right there.
And a miniature sombrero from Cozumel.

Add a slice of blueberry pie, and send me off to meet my Maker.  I can die content.



Porcupine Meatballs (serves: me)

1 lb. ground beef
1/2 c. regular rice (see note below)
1/2 c. water
1 small onion, chopped (or a handful of dehydrated minced onion)
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp celery salt
1/8 tsp garlic powder
1/8 tsp pepper
1 can (15 oz) tomato sauce
1 c water
 2 tsp Worcestershire sauce (see note below)
1/2 c to 1 c shredded mozzarella cheese (see note below)

Mix meat, rice, 1/2 c water, onion and seasonings. Shape mixture into 1 1/2 inch meatballs.

Place meatballs in ungreased baking dish, approximately 8x8x2 inches. Mix remaining ingredients and pour over meatballs. Cover with foil and bake in 350° oven for 45 minutes.   Uncover, sprinkle with mozzarella, and bake uncovered for another 15 minutes.



Notes:

- My brother (who, just like me, hated meatloaf, but looooved these) made these with minute rice.  This enables you to make larger meatballs.

- One time I didn't have any Worcestershire sauce, but I did have A1 steak sauce so I swapped it and it tasted awesome.

- Now the original recipe for this never called for cheese, and most porcupine meatball recipes don't call for cheese, but one time my mom threw some shredded mozzarella on this on a whim, and my brother and I were hooked. So I highly recommend it... and when I make this sometimes I go way overboard with the cheese, but 1/2 c to 1 c of cheese should be sufficient. 

We Need To Get Out of Here

Ever just go through a patch when it seems like you just absolutely cannot stop spending money?

When your list of things you want to buy just seems endless?

I'm sure it has less to do with wanting things and more to do with trying to fill the gaping hole in soul.  My soul hole (*juvenile snickering).

Or it's just that I like shiny new things and lots of them.

Even my notoriously thrifty father does this, so I know I'm fairly normal.

One time we went to Sears to have his tires rotated, and by the time we left 2 hours later he had purchased binoculars, a painting, and a sack of jelly beans.

He looked at me and said, "We need to get out of here... I'm obviously in the mood to buy shit."

This week on the internet I have purchased the following:

- Prescription glasses

I'm so excited about these, you guys!

- Various books and dvds

If you've never seen this, what the eff is wrong with you?

- Shampoo 

Wen is going to change my life, you guys.
I watched an infomercial for like 30 minutes and I'm 100% positive of this.

And that seems pretty tame when you take into consideration all of the things I've almost bought on the internet this week:

- Makeup... a lot of it.

- Nail polish... a lot of it.

- Jewelry... a lot of it.

- Clothing... a lot of it.

- Watch... an expensive one.

- More books and dvds

So I think it's safe to say that we need to get me off of the internet machine until I figure out what my soul hole really needs.  Probably butter and sugar... a lot of it.

Have a great weekend, kids!

- 

Birthday Shower Recipes, Volume II: White Russian Cupcakes and Sherbet Punch

First of all, how the hell is the word 'sherbet' pronounced... 'sure-burt'? 'sure-bet'? 'sure-bay'?

Let's just pronouce it 'delicious' and get to the recipes.

You guys, my birthday shower/small-scale P.Diddy white party went off without a hitch.

I didn't wear white because I discovered that the only garment I own that is white is my high school graduation gown.  Why do I still possess my high school graduation gown, you ask? Because I'm planning on being a hoarder when I grow up.

But beyond that, I thought the decorations looked pretty cute.  And the food was mighty tasty.

I made pineapple sherbet punch based off of this recipe from All Recipes... except that I used gingerale instead of Sprite or 7-up because I like it better.

I forgot to take any photos of the punch... probably because I was too busy pouring punch glass after punch glass of it down my throat.

But I did remember to take a photo of the White Russian cupcakes before I started applying them to my face.


I used my favorite recipe for White Wedding Cake cupcakes and adapted it by substituting Kahlua for the typical white wedding cake flavorings (some use just vanilla, some use almond extract... I prefer to use 2 products called 'creme bouquet' and 'almond emulsion', both of which are available at cake decorating/baking supply stores).

The frosting for these cupcakes turned into a trial... a very unnecessary one. I'm going to give you the recipe for my my favorite buttercream recipe.  I tried to use a cream cheese icing recipe from Pinterest that was supposed to be fabulous. It wasn't, and I had to add insane amounts of powdered sugar to make it firm enough to use on the cupcakes. They taste great, but I also probably have 5  new cavities from eating them. My usual buttercream recipe from The Kitchen Magpie has never ever failed me so I think you should use it.

The result was a subtly Kahlua-flavored cake and frosting.  I suppose it would have been more in keeping with the cocktail to add vodka to the mix, but in all honesty when I drink white russians I'm basically just drinking Kahlua-flavored milk and I don't really care about the vodka. And it was my birthday. So there.

White Russian Cupcakes

Cake (yields approximately 36 cupcakes):

1 (18.25 oz) box of white cake mix
1 c. all-purpose flour
1 c. granulated sugar
3/4 tsp. salt
1 1/3 c. water
2 T. canola oil
1 T. Kahlua
1 c. sour cream
4 egg whites

Preheat oven to 325°.  Go ahead an put your cupcake liners into your muffin tins.

Whisk together your dry ingredients. Add everything else and beat with a hand mixer until smooth and well blended.

Use a standard size ice-cream scoop to scoop batter into lined muffin tins.  They should be around 3/4 full. Bake 18 to 20 minutes until toothpick inserted into middle of cupcake comes back out with a few crumbs clinging to it.

Cool on wire rack.

I found the recipe for this icing (minus the Kahlua) a couple of months ago on Pinterest and it has since become my all time favorite.

Icing:

1 c. salted butter, softened
3 tsp. Kahlua
4 c. powdered sugar
4 to 5 T. of heavy whipping cream.

Whip the butter (preferably with the paddle attachment of your mixer) for a couple of minutes... until it's nice and fluffy (sort of like firm mayonnaise... side note: Firm Mayonnaise would be a great name for a punk band).

Add the powdered sugar and beat it some more... another minute or so.  Now add your heavy cream.  I would probably use 4 for this recipe... 5 will make the icing whippier. Also add your Kahlua.

Now whip the hell out of it until it looks whippy and heavenly.

I just filled a ziploc and cut the corner off to decorate my cupcakes... mostly because this is the extent of my decorating abilities.  Well that and sticking a cute color-coordinated sixlet on top of the frosting.  I'm really good at that too.

And thus concludes my series of birthday recipes.

By the way, guys, 30 feels great!

Birthday Shower Recipes, Volume 1

My real 30th birthday party is not going to be quite the spectacle my fantasy party was, but that's okay because I'm leaving for a cruise to celebrate my birthday in like 2 weeks and that, my friends, will be EPIC-SHMEPIC (it's totally a thing).

Instead of a ginormous party we're just having family over for cake and birthday treats Saturday night.  I am making the treats and the cake which seems cruel except that I volunteered because I love doing stuff like that.

So when I set out to plan what I was serving for my birthday I saw a very definite theme developing.

It's a theme I shall call 'Birthday Shower'.

Have you ever noticed that there are foods that you partake of at bridal and baby showers that you never see at any other kind of party? Despite the fact that these foods are, in fact, delicious?

I'm talking about jordan almonds, sherbet punch, and cream cheese mints.

Especially the cream cheese mints.

I asked my dad yesterday if he liked cream cheese mints and he said "I have no idea what they are" and I thought 'Of course he wouldn't... how would you if you had never been to a shower'.

It's like these things don't exist outside the context of female ritualized gift-giving.

Well I say funk that.  I freaking love sherbet punch... it's like a more dainty root beer float.  And who wouldn't like sugar-shellaced almonds and soft pillows of vaguely mint-flavored cream cheese frosting?

Some kind of bastard person I'm thinking.

So this is the first installment of my Birthday Shower Recipes Series... the Cream Cheese Mint edition. Enjoy some, won't you?

Birthday Shower Cream Cheese Mints

Yields approximately 4 dozen nickel-sized mints.


Ingredients:
2 oz. cream cheese, softened
1 T. butter, softened
2 c. powdered sugar
1 tsp. peppermint extract (to start with... you can add more to taste)
1/4 c. granulated sugar

Cream together the cream cheese, butter and sugar in a bowl with an electric mixer.  When you first start mixing it will look like you have way too much sugar, and it's never going to come together to form a dough.  Just keep going.  When it finally starts becoming dough-like, add your extract.  At this point you will probably have to add more powdered sugar(a big spoonful at a time) to get the consistency of the mixture right.  It should be like sugar cookie dough.  Taste the dough, add more extract if necessary (I usually use around 2 tsp.), and add a couple of extra big spoons of powdered sugar until you have a dough that can be rolled into balls easily.  It's not exactly science.

At this point you can add food coloring to make your mints any old color you want.  I would suggest using a gel food color (the kind you can usually find in the baking supplies at most craft stores) because it's easier to add a lot of color without effecting the consistency of the dough.  I chose to keep my mints white.

Next, start pulling off pieces of dough and rolling into marble-sized balls.  Roll the balls in a little granulated sugar and place them on a sheet of foil or wax paper.  Use the back of a fork to press the balls flat and give the mints nice little ridges on top like a peanut butter cookie. Let sit for 2 hours to dry a bit, and then keep them in an airtight container in the refrigerator or freezer.  You can also press the dough into little flower or bootie-shaped molds (I'm talking baby booties not butt cheeks, you guys... although that might be cute too).


Check in Monday for my next Birthday Shower recipe wherein I magically transform my favorite cocktail, White Russians, into a cupcake. Yum!

Treat Yo Self!

Some years if the living isn't too lean, I like to treat myself to a special Christmas / birthday gift. You might say it's how I celebrate Treat Yo Self Day.

Here are some things I'm considering.

1. House of Harlow Zig Zag Starburst ring.

Image from Google.

2. Karen Walker Perfect Day sunglasses.

Image from Google.

3. Tiffany Beads Earrings.  I used to have a pair of these, they were a special Christmas gift from my Dad, but then I got a cat... a cat who likes to find shiny things and put them into bowls of water, like toilets.  So one day I woke up and went to the bathroom and then walked into the kitchen for a cup of coffee and noticed one of my precious Tiffany earrings in the cat's water dish.  I never found the other earring, but my suspicion is that it got flushed.  That cat is a real jerk a-hole.

Image from Google.