Spiritual Pizza Party

Riotous pizza joy!

I’m not good at celebrating myself.  I bet you aren’t either.

But I also bet you’re super fantastic at berating yourself for your tiniest failure.  I sure as shit am!

You wanted to work out 3 times this week, but you only did it once?  What an ASSHOLE.

You weren’t going to eat any cake at the birthday party, but you did anyways?  WOW… you’re a real DICK STICK.

You decided to watch The Bachelorette instead of reading War and Peace?  You illiterate SON OF A BITCH.

Why are we such nit-picky assholes to ourselves?  Why is it so much easier to dwell on the things we haven’t accomplished than to celebrate the things that we have?

I’ve done a really bad job of celebrating something that I totally deserve to celebrate.

Three years ago, around this time of the year, I decided it was time to be healthier.

 I have lost 130 lbs.

Killing it at Lady Gaga karaoke and killing it in general.

It was so hard and frustrating and I thought I would never get to where I am today.

I am so damn proud of myself.

I’ve accomplished something so crazy huge, and I actually find myself hiding it… I delete old photos of myself and untag myself in photos on Facebook.  It’s really hard for me to even casually mention it in conversations without adding some qualifying bit of information to make sure people know that it’s not that big of a deal.

I recently found myself getting jealous of someone on Facebook because they were featured on a  weight loss page for losing a similar amount of weight.  And I had to stop and remind myself that the only difference between the two of us is that she acknowledges and celebrates herself.  SHE BRAGS.  It’s AWESOME.

I think we have a real problem in our culture with people acknowledging how awesome they are.  We tell them that they are arrogant.  We tell them that they are not a special snowflake.
 
It’s weird.

When we stop acknowledging our own special snowflake-ness, it makes us really bitter about other peoples’ special snowflake-ness.

You are a SNOWFLAKE.  You are a SKYSCRAPER.  You are BEYONCE.

And I think it’s okay to acknowledge that and throw ourselves a very special snowflake party every once in awhile.

So this is me bragging, and reminding everyone that I am Kanye West levels of awesome.

Love yourself, you guys!

Today I challenge you to celebrate yourself for something cool you've done.   Maybe folding a fitted sheet perfectly or eating 5 cupcakes in one sitting!  It all counts!

What's Ripe to Rot?

I read Rob Brezsny's horoscopes every week like it is my religion.  I know horoscopes and astrology aren't for everyone, but I think anyone with open, curious mind can benefit from reading his thought-provoking advice every week.

For instance, here is mine (Capricorn):

"The person who can't visualize a horse galloping on a tomato is an idiot," said the founder of Surrealism, writer André Breton. I wouldn't go so far as to call such an imagination-deprived soul an "idiot," but I do agree with the gist of his declaration. One of the essential facets of intelligence is the ability to conjure up vivid and creative images in one's mind. When daily life has grown a bit staid or stuck or overly serious, this skill becomes even more crucial. Now is one of those times for you, Capricorn. If you have any trouble visualizing a horse galloping on a tomato, take measures to boost the fertility of your imagination.

These are not your average run of the mill "you will meet a dark stranger" horoscopes.  They ask you to think deeply about yourself and to try something different.  I think anyone can benefit from that.

I look forward to reading his newsletter every week because it always contains some other tidbit (besides the horoscopes) that stop me right in my damn tracks.  This week it was this:

"Don't eat any food that's incapable of rotting," says Michael Pollan in  his book *In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto.* In other words, highly processed foods with a long shelf life don't contribute to your optimum vitality.  I'd like to expand this rule to make it an all-purpose guideline for life. Try out this hypothesis: If you're involved with any person or situation that never decays, or if there is some part of you that never decays, that's 

highly suspicious and may be a problem. Like growth, rot is a natural 

phenomenon. Indeed, every advancement requires or brings the disintegration of whatever it replaces. You can't grow if you don't rot. The "perfection" of stasis can be hazardous to your health.

What's ripe to rot in your world?

A couple of people have recently made comments (jokingly, but maybe 50% seriously) that although they admire my optimism about life it also bothers them (or annoys them possibly?)  My first reaction was 'What a strange reaction to someone trying to be happy?'

But then I thought 'Yeah, but who wouldn't be annoyed by someone who acts like sunshine and rainbows shoot out of their asshole 24 hours a goddamn day?'

I know I would.

So it's time for an honesty check.

SUNSHINE AND RAINBOWS DO NOT SHOOT OUT OF MY ASSHOLE 24 HOURS A DAY.

Yeah I might spend a lot of time going full hippy dippy spiritual around here, but, believe it or not, I do not do kundalini yoga vision quests to the surface of the moon while wearing a flower crown and eating tempeh tacos most of the time.

But I bet he does.

I am not happy all of the time.  I go through incredibly shitty days, weeks, months, and years (let's not talk about calendar years 2009-2010).  I deal with mild depression, anxiety, social anxiety, introversion, and low self-esteem on a daily basis.

The last two weeks have not been fun for me.  I have been hurting.  I have been struggling.  I feel lonely and isolated and just burdened by a thousand little problems that won't seem to sort themselves out no matter what solution I throw at them.

But here is what I do know and what I carry around with me at all times: a deep and abiding belief that life has a cycle of its own design, that everything absolutely does work out for the best, that happiness will always be found, that the Universe is a deeply good place, that human beings are perfectly imperfect, and that just because something isn't working out right now doesn't mean that it never will.

My happiness right now is just a set of lost keys. I've turned over every sofa cushion, retraced every step, searched through every garbage can, torn apart my car, and what I've determined is this:  sometimes your happiness is found in being sad, in standing still and just letting yourself live through the process.  If everything in life is a lesson, then sometimes the universe sends us sadness for a reason.  It doesn't last.  What truly excites me is that I know when it seems like nothing is happening, EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING.  Everything is simmering underneath the placid surface of my life right now.

I don't understand how that couldn't put a little kick in anyone's step.  I'm living on the verge of something wonderful.  That's some cool shit.

So, yes, I rot sometimes. And I try to embrace it because I know the next cycle of joy in my life can't start until I do.

Tingles

I seem to be in a kind of cocoon/waiting room period in my life right now.  It's kind of cool because I think when your life quiets down for a bit you know that big exciting stuff is in the works.  It's a feeling I really dig.  So in the meantime I've been cultivating the art of finding things that make me happy just for the sake of being happy.

And in the spirit of sharing (or talking about myself... which, let's face, is the entire raison d'être of this blog) I thought I'd do a little show and tell about some of my recent tingles.

1. Welcome to Night Vale

I'm sure many of you have already known about Night Vale for months and months, but I am traditionally the last person on every cool kid band wagon so I just heard about it this week.  For those that haven't heard about it, Welcome to Night Vale is a bi-weekly podcast about a little town in the desert called Night Vale where a lot of weird shit is happening.  It's kind of like Rod Serling and Amy Sedaris wrote an episode of Prairie Home Companion.  It's truly very awesome even if you aren't a science fiction fan.

2. The Wire by Haim

This is a new song from super cool sister group Haim.  I love their sound... like some weird Stevie Nicks/Belinda Carlisle/mid 90s Liz Phair combo. 

3. The Daily Love

I'm a good news junkie.  I treat my happiness like a set of lost keys: I look for it everywhere.  This website/daily email newsletter has become such a highlight in my day.  The creator Mastin Kipp started The Daily Love as a twitter account when he was in the baby steps of his own spiritual journey.  It's crazy how almost every day Mastin's message in my inbox feels almost like it was written specifically for me and addresses something I am currently going through... like today, for instance:

How many of us can do that in life? Instead of demanding what we want and wanting it now, can we ask The Uni-verse for what we want, and then let go? Can we rest in the peace of the moment knowing we are provided for and that the perfect thing, which is probably better than what we asked for in the first place, will show up?

Do we really have the faith to live the maybe? Or better put, can we see that the delays of The Uni-verse are not Its denials? Can we let go and let things unfold naturally? 

This just really spoke to me and how I've been feeling lately... like all of my momentum has been put on hold.  I think I've been struggling to recognize it as temporary, and instead I've been worrying that I might be at a dead end.  I've been seeing lots of 'Nos' when really I've been getting lots of 'Maybes'.  I had such a great aha moment when I read this.

4. The rain

We've been getting Oregonian levels of rain around here.  I am in love with it.  Everything is so GREEN and beautiful.  The trees are actually growing moss and there are mushrooms everywhere.  It's majestic.  But I am genuinely sorry for the people with flooded basements.

5. This picture of a tiger living his/her best life.

Every time I look at this picture of a tiger relaxing in a waterfall I feel peaceful.  And I don't know where I am in this photo... am I the tiger?  Am I the water flowing around the tiger? Or am I the stone and rock on which the tiger lays and over which the water flows?  Do I care?  Nope.

Imaginary Boyfriend Thursday... Riotous Joy Edition

I was inspired by Aunt Peaches (who is doing a series of blog posts highlighting the awesomeness of others), and decided to choose an imaginary boyfriend that inspires and delights me.

He's not everyone's cup of tea looks-wise (but, then, who is everyone's cup of tea? Jude Law probably), but he is seriously awesome.

His name is Rob Dyrdek...

... and he has a lust for life that is staggering and inspiring.

He is a skateboarder, entrepreneur, multiple world record holder, pop star, actor, and star of the MTV reality shows Rob and Big, Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory, and Ridiculousness.

What I love about Rob is the way he approaches life... like it's one grand experiment/quest to find things to delight himself and others.  He lives with joy.  I think that is great.

He also loves dogs, mini horses, and tiny baby piglets.

He doesn't mind looking like idiot for a fun idea.

And he understands the importance of spontaneously breaking it down to a soulful ballad while going through a car wash.

When I'm struggling with anxiety about doing something... talking to a stranger, making a difficult phone call, or doing anything out of my ridiculously confining comfort zone... I try to think 'What Would Rob Do?'.

And the answer is that he would approach any situation with boundless enthusiasm and optimism.  He would treat it like his success was inevitable.  He would be relentless.  He would laugh at himself and carry on no matter what.

We all need to find some of the Rob in ourselves, and, if we can't do that, we can pretend he is our imaginary boyfriend, standing beside us to cheer us on.

Have fun today, kids.  The world is your oyster.

Waffle Christmas

I bet you didn't know today is the most important day in the whole waffle calendar!

IT'S NATIONAL WAFFLE DAY, KIDS!!

It's also the day that I chose to eat less carbs for a week.  *Sad trombone*

I'll just have to rest easy in the knowledge that I've celebrated waffles pretty hard and thoroughly all year round, and in the meantime I'll think about the Patron Saint of Waffles (and one of my role models), Leslie Knope.

And always remember what Leslie says, "Waffles, friends, work".

And on a non-waffle related note, I think this essay called What Love Should Feel Like by Danielle Campoamor is wonderful.  Here's one of my favorite parts:

Love should feel like a marathon. It should exhilarate your heart and exhaust your mind and challenge your resolve. You’ll tell yourself you can’t keep going as you continue to put one foot in front of the other, taking every helpful and rejuvenating cup of water along the way. At the end, you’ll realize how many contributed to your happiness and success.

To All My Neighbors, You Got Much Flavor

Feeling a little down today for various intangible reasons.  I think I need to dance it out with a little impromptu internet dance party.

Join me, won't you?

CRANK IT, MONTELL!

Okay.  I feel a little better now.  How are you guys doing?

What's Right?

Mondays, for the most part, tend to be underwhelming.

So I think it's a good day to practice a little thankfulness.  What could it possibly hurt to identify a few things that are going pretty okay for you?

Here are some things I think are pretty cool today:

1. Rainstorms!
2. Beautiful full moon on my morning walk with Henry
3. Super nice co-workers that give you brownies for no reason at all
4. This recipe for slow-cooker "refried" beans... I make it about once a week.  So good. So cheap. Fat free!
5. The book The Energy of Prayer by Thich Nhat Hanh
6. This lush tuft of grass I saw growing on a pile of trash in the middle of the river. Perseverance and determination, you guys.

7. Cake
8. Still listening to 'Must Land Running' by Stepdad like a mental patient.

9. Knitting projects... Fall is so close! I can't wait to huddle around wood fires and eat pumpkin flavored everything.
10. Good people... just so many good people on this planet.  And I get to know so few of them, but they kill me with their love and kindness every single day.

Riotous Joy In Our Hearts

It's Monday and I'm thinking about all of the things I have to be thankful for in this batshit insane life of mine. Everyday I see things that make me excited about pushing forward.  I hope you do too.

I think we should all tell the naysayers of the Universe to stay pressed and go write about it in their diaries.

Now let's listen to happy music and dance like maniacs!!

1. Must Land Running by Stepdad

2. Bright Whites by Kishi Bashi

3. Tongue Tied by Grouplove

Also this gif set illustrates exactly what I'm like in real life:

Good Afternoon, Campers!

Hey, y'all!

Remember when I used to write things on here and pretend that people were reading those things?

Such a good time for everyone... right?

Well, I'm back to say something.  I don't know what that something is, but let's just see where we end up.

First of all, man oh man, has the last month and a half been intense.  To clarify, my definition of 'intense' is probably very different from most people's definition.  I think it's intense if I have to have my oil changed and buy groceries in the same day. Quel horreur!

Well it has been intense... just a lot of awesome things all thrown at me at once (and some not so awesome things but I've got my fingers crossed on those things working themselves out).

I know I've said it here before that I just really feel like in the past 6 months I am in the exact place I am meant to be... it's an intense feeling of knowing that your feet are traversing the correct path and that you are hitting every landmark and crossroads exactly when you are supposed to be.  It makes me feel kind of in love with the Universe in a very dopey, new age-y way that I have trouble expressing most of the time.

There is, however, a kind of terror that comes with this feeling though.  Because although I trust 100% that I am doing what I'm supposed to be doing and heading towards where I'm supposed to be heading I have no idea what/where that somewhere is.  It's actually crazy awesome once you get past the bed-wetting anxiety.

I imagine my face looks something like this most of the time:

So I realize I'm being super vague about what all of this "intense stuff" is, and it's really only because I have no idea what is going on... i'm just kind of along for the ride at this point and trying to enjoy it and not be too fixated on what the outcome will be. You know?

Suffice it to say that the world is a weird, wonderful place that will send you off on unexpected trajectories at  a moment's notice so you better just keep your chuck taylors laced on as tight as possible and try to keep a smile on your face because all indications point to you ending up somewhere you've always wanted to be.

And never be afraid of burning bridges.  Or being vulnerable. Or believing that you can have whatever you want.  Just never be afraid if you can manage it.

In other news I'm 10 lbs away from my goal weight (for a grand total of over 130 lbs lost over the course of 2 years).

You guys, weight loss is such a weird thing.  It takes so much time for your brain to catch up with your body (no matter how slowly you lose the weight).  I'm just now starting to see my physical self clearly... to not feel like a "fat" person.  It's a real mind fuck.  An awesome mind fuck, but still a very definite mind fuck.


In other other news, I'm going camping this weekend... like in a tent camping.  I haven't done this since I was probably 15 years old.  How will my 31 year old back fare sleeping on the hard-packed earth?  Probably terribly, but it'll still be great.

And, last of all, here's a song I'm listening to like a crazy person (in between listening to the leaked Kanye album):

Forever by Haim

Have You Ever Gotten A Boner Over A Dragon?

Because I maybe did during this week's episode of Game of Thrones...

Source.

In other news, it's currently 36° outside on April 23rd.

And in other non-downer news, I ordered this set of Golden Girls note cards to frame (glitter frames possibly???)...

Source.

This shizz is deloycious...

This video made me happy yesterday...

And this song did too...

Have a great day, cool kids!

Birth

I found this while I was stumbling around on Pinterest recently, and it has since started sloshing around in the same part of my brain that usually hosts midnight existential anxiety parties.

Quote attributed to Kelly Cutrone.

It has been sloshing around in there, and handing out free Quaaludes and mugs of warm chamomile tea to all the usual party-goers: the 'is there something wrong with me?', the 'why is everyone else having babies and buying houses and I'm still poor and alone?', the 'gee whiz it sure seems like everyone else is having a great time', the 'what if I'm meant to die alone in a hoarder house?' , and, my favorite guest, the 'why do good things always seem to happen for everybody else?'.

I am 31.  That means, according to this quote anyways, I get to have one last year to cocoon.  One year to not even think about important adult business like marriage and babies.  One year to figure out if I really even want either of those things. One year.

I'm grabbing it by the meatiest part of its balls.

So what am I going to do this year?... well hopefully a lot of terrifying things that tie into my New Years(ish) Resolutions.

- I want to write a novel length something. And let people read it.
- I want to ride in a hot air balloon.
- I want to go on picnics alone.
- I want to stand on the edge of a cliff and look straight down.
- I want to complete a 5K race. (I have already signed up for this one)
- I want to give my phone number to an attractive stranger.
- I want to burn bridges with toxic people. Just fucking annihilate them.
- I want to ride a horse.
- I want to strip my life down to the most important essentials.
- I want to jump off of the high diving board.
- I want to write an earnest love letter to someone.
- I want to be vulnerable every day.

So Project Cocoon commences.  This year is going to be full of riotous joy... I can feel it in my 31 year old bones.

When the Moon is in the Seventh House...

I love astrology.  But only really good astrology... and by that I mean astrology that challenges you to really think about your self and your life.

I have only ever found one astrologist that I read on a regular basis and his name is Rob Brezsny.  His website Free Will Astrology is one I can honest to God/Goddess/Glob/Beyonce say has changed my life. His weekly horoscopes challenge me to think about... I mean REALLY think about... myself and my choices and the person I am trying to be.

This week, however, I'm super perplexed by my horoscope:

So... I should just like sit tight and do nothing?  That sounds great???

In the meantime I'm having a weirdly spectacular week in spite of nothing actually happening.

It's like I'm slow strutting across a thousand million rainbows and nothing can break my stride.  Also I managed to get the eyeliner 'kitten flicks' on both eyes to match which never happens except on Tuesday nights when I'm at home watching re-runs of Wings and no one will see it anyways.

All I know is that I feel like I should be on Beyonce and Jay-Z's yacht flirting with male models from Baltic countries I've never heard of while drinking champagne from a glass rimmed with actual diamond dust, but it's okay that i'm not because I feel like my life is on the exact track it is supposed to be on and something amazing is in store for me this year.

So basically the hippies have won and I have rainbows and unicorns shooting out of every pore on my body.

We're going to finish the week out strong, kids.

It Feels So Good In My Hood Tonight

This is not a political blog, but....

                                           

Just try wiping the smile from my face today.  

Let's Take A Moment To Appreciate...

... my new Tarte EmphasEYES inner rim brightener eye pencil for making me look bright-eyed and bushy-tailed when I am definitely not.

... being able to buy clothes from the non-plus size department in stores. Huzzah.

... these photos of Fernando Torres holding onto his daughter Nora's doll while celebrating his Euro 2012 win.

... and pugs.

Have a great Fourth of July, kids!  And don't set all of your money on fire all at once!!

Something More Important Than Tom Hiddleston

You guys, have you seen the Shiba Inu Puppy Cam?

I think when you get to heaven the first thing you see will be
a line of sleeping dogs with their paws sticking up in the air.
I hope so.

It's basically melting my soul into a puddle of pineapple sherbet and maple syrup.

Seriously, I watch it and it's like I can feel my heart about to explode, but in a really good way.  You know what I mean?

You should try it and see.

Sometimes Every Super Hero Needs Her Theme Music

My iPod did me right today and I thought I should give it props by posting the first five it delivered to me this morning.

I really needed a kick in the ass this morning, and Senor iPod knew what was up.

1. A Town Called Malice - The Jam

2. Telephone - Lady Gaga and Beyonce

3. Creator - Santogold

4. If - Janet Jackson

5. Someday - The Strokes

You know what one of my favorite things in the whole wide world is?  I just love it when you see someone in their car just absolutely losing their shit listening to a song.  I saw a guy last week doing a vicious drum solo in his car on the morning commute, and it put a smile on my face for the entire day.  We should all be doing that more often.

My Barca Boys

You know how there are things that you just love without having to think about it or try?

Things like:

- a slice of warm pie with vanilla ice cream

- re-runs of Designing Women

- watching someone fall down

- that first sip of ice-cold beer on a hot day

- the way wheat fields looks in May... all green and velvet-y

These are not acquired tastes.  You just love them... you savor them without even having to remind yourself to do so.


Well, that's how I feel about soccer.  That's how I feel about FC Barcelona soccer.

Someday, you guys.  I will be right smack dab in this middle
of these shenanigans.

So the thing is, if you met me in real life, I am not the kind of person you would meet and think 'I bet this girl is really passionately obsessed with sports and especially soccer.'  You just wouldn't.  You would probably more likely think 'I wonder how many cats she has, and should I tell her that her fly is down?'

But I am. I may be writing this right smack dab in the middle of Kansas, but I am no less a culé than if I were sitting right smack dab in the middle of that stadium in Barcelona.

Instead of trying to write a 20 page essay about Barca that no one in their right mind would ever try to read I will  simply highlight my two favorite people on the team.

First up is Xavi.

I'm convinced that if I ever made direct eye contact
with Xavi, I would instantly melt into a puddle of
strawberry jam and rainbows.

Xavi is just Xavi.  No last name necessary.  He is Il Maestro.  He is the heart and soul of the team.  I once read a quote from one of his teammates that the first thing any of them do when they get the ball is to find Xavi and pass the ball to him.  He is not a superstar in the sense that he rarely makes goals himself, but if a goal is scored by one of his teammates there is a 99% chance that it was scored from a pass that he set up.

It's really better to see him in action.

Also, one of his hobbies is mushroom-hunting.  So he is also a giant nerd, and you know how I feel about those in general.

My second favorite person at Barca is Pep Guardiola, the manager (coach).

Sometimes I think he looks like a more handsome, Spanish Karl Pilkington.

Pep is not only probably the greatest manager in Barcelona history, he is dapper as fuck.  We're talking Don Draper levels of dapperdom.  Epic.  And he's a Barcelona boy to the core.  Played there as a youth, played there as an adult, managed the B team, and then finally managed the main team.  And he's only 41 years old.

So this past Saturday was Pep's last game in Camp Nou (the Barcelona stadium) because he has decided to leave after the season ends in May.  You guys, it is for realsies breaking my heart to see him go.

So they won the game 4-0 which was awesome.

And then this happened:

It says "We love you, Pep!"

Por Los Aires

The entire team and staff dancing mid-pitch to Viva La Vida by Coldplay.

And I'm not kidding you, TEARS streaming down my face like a real asshole, you guys.

So now you know... although I'm 100% positive you were already pretty aware... I am a gigantic nerd/crazy person.