Bits and Bats and Progress On a Major Life Goal

Have you guys seen the thing where adorable Brazilian children are politely correcting the grammar of celebrities' tweets in order to improve their own English?

Something about it makes me feel good about humanity.


I had a weird dream last night that I learned how to rock climb by climbing Devil's Tower in Wyoming.

And I was totally fine the entire time I was climbing.  Fearless.  Just slow strutting up the shear face of this thing.

And then I got to the top and looked down at what I had accomplished... the heights I had risen to... and that's when the paralyzing fear kicked in hard.  I was overwhelmed. I remember making a conscious decision to sit down and give myself some time to really come to terms with the accomplishment.  Something about not being able to undo what I had done (even though it was an amazing, powerful thing) was really difficult to process.  I could never again in my life say that I hadn't climbed a 1,300 foot extinct volcano.

I think there is something in that feeling.  Sometimes success and moving forward are scary just because it means a fundamental change in yourself.  Even if that change is good and even if your life looks more than ever like what you always dreamed it would look like, it's still a thing you have to fucking process and take time trying to get your claws around.  And that's okay.


This song is fucking killing me it's so awesome.  Just bury me in the ground with a boom box playing this on an infinite loop.

Major Lazer - You're No Good (featuring Santigold, Vybz Kartel, Danielle Haim, and Yasmin)

Seriously, you guys... SO GOOD.

And now for some veryveryvery serious business.

I'm sure you guys are aware of my lifelong quest for the mirror-like shine and gloss of Kyle Richards' hair.

I'm not saying I'm there yet, but some major progress has been made because of this product:

I used this for the first time last night and you guys... no seriously YOU GUYS... my hair is so shiny and soft today!  My little vain heart is singing with riotous joy... go buy it!

Things and Such... Also An Imaginary Boyfriend Thrown In

1. Stars - Hold On When You Get Love and Let Go When You Give It

A lyric from this song (my current running jam), has become my 2013 life motto:

 Take the weakest thing in you / and then beat the bastards with it.

2. This jackalope jewelry holder... which I desperately need because of very important non-negotiable reasons.

3. Speaking of jackalopes and life mottos... this should be required reading (p.s. it has nothing to do with jackalopes).  But only if you're in the mood to have your heart ripped out, re-shaped by powerful, knowing hands, and then gently placed back into your chest cavity... and who isn't?!

Also, I think I'm the very last person on the planet (possibly the solar system) to read this... forever the last person on every band wagon.  As I was reading I kept thinking 'why didn't anyone tell me to read this sooner?!' and then I remembered that they did... lots of people... and several times.  I'm an asshole.

4. Richard Ayoade

Richard meets all of my imaginary boyfriend requirements:

a) English

b) Funny

c) Adorable

d) Incredibly talented

e) Looks great in a suit

Mental Patient Songs!

Let's talk about the songs that are currently in very heavy rotation on my iPod, but, first, an update on yesterday's imaginary boyfriend.

You guys, apparently my imaginary love has supernatural powers because Baby Nando scored 2 beautiful goals against Ireland yesterday!

Yep, that's right.  Apparently another thing Lil Kim and I have in common is a magic box.

We're basically the same person to be honest.

Okay... so this week I've been on a hip hop/rap/R&B kick.  These are the songs I've been listening to like it's my job.

1. A$AP Rocky - Goldie

Okay... first of all I definitely want to change the name of this blog to 'It's Je$$!'... also I'm a sucker for any rap song that references Maison Martin Margiela.

Bestill my avant garde fashion loving heart, you guys.

2. MIA - Bad Girls

No explanation necessary... I mean it's MIA and she can pretty much do no wrong in my eyes including giving the nation the middle finger during the Super Bowl.  I will ride or die with her.

3. Drake - Headlines

I know the cool thing to do is make fun of Drake, but I unironically love him and his music.  YOLO.

4. Azealia Banks - 212 (featuring Lazy Jay)

I'm sort of in love with this song right now.  It makes me feel like I could run a hundred miles per hour.

5. Nicki Minaj - Starships

I guarantee you I will hate this song in about 3 weeks, but right now it is still awesome.  So I'm going with it.

What I Am...

Reading...

Eating...

Thinking about...

Watching...

Listening to...

Lusting for...

And those are just a few of my current favorite things.  Especially the pineapple.

Because My Love Is Strong and My Heart Is Weak After All

So I had another clever clark blog about Aleksandar and my cruise (plus another cocktail recipe!) ready to go for this morning, but I've got something else on my mind.

Actually, I have a song on my mind.

Have you ever heard a song for the first time and it just stopped you in your tracks?

It happens to me fairly frequently... enough that I've nicknamed these songs 'Mental Patient Songs', but it happens rarely enough that it still feels momentous and exciting.

So then I was thinking about what it is exactly that makes these songs 'Mental Patient Songs', and I think I've decided that I have almost no ability to understand, let alone explain why these songs speak to me so much... I just know the symptoms.

The immediate intoxication of hearing something that gives a voice to some emotion, some deep essential part of yourself that you never knew how to express to anyone or even that you needed to express it.  It's like the universe sending you text message that says 'Hey, you aren't the only one.'

And it just makes me soar.  It infiltrates and informs every part of my day. And that is why they are called 'Mental Patient Songs'... because I listen to them all of the time.  And when I'm not listening to them I hear them anyways.

So this is my latest one... Bushwick Blues by Delta Spirit

These

This...

Emerald City by Revlon with Seche Vite Top Coat. Pardon my less than spectacular nail beds.

A lot of this...

This ridiculous (and embarrassingly awesome) song...

And some of these...

I would take a better photo, but I ate it the second I took this photo.

Which are from this recipe...

Oreo Truffles

Ingredients:

1 pkg. Oreo cookies

1 8oz pkg. cream cheese, softened

2 boxes Baker's Semi-sweet chocolate

Crush the Oreos ( I used the food processor, but I've also used a blender and a rolling pin for this task). Set aside approximately 1/2 cup or crumbs for decorating the truffles later.  Place the rest in a bowl, add the cream cheese and beat with a mixer until you can no longer see any white.  Roll into walnut sized balls and place on a foil lined cookie sheet. Put the balls into the refrigerator to firm up... about 30 minutes.  

In the meantime. unwrap all of the chocolate and place in a microwave safe bowl.  Melt according to instructions (on the back of the box).  Using the method of your choice (I employ 2 toothpicks. One to spike the ball and drop into the chocolate, the other to remove the ball from the toothpick) dip each truffle into chocolate and place back onto foil lined sheet. Sprinkle with some of the reserved crushed cookies.  This hides the toothpick hole and makes them prettier.

Put the truffles back into the refrigerator to chill for approximately 30 minutes or as long as you can stand, whichever comes first.  Now proceed to eat yourself sick.  

With all of these in my arsenal I am fully prepared to make this Monday my prison bitch, y'all.

P.S. Did anyone else watch the 'Geek Love' show on TLC last night?  It was awesome, awkward, and gloriously cute.  I want the guy Chewie (he does a Chewbacca impression) and the Mandalorian (spelling?) girl to hook up! They are perfect for each other.

Spinderella, Cut It Up One Time. Mmhmm.

Still obnoxiously busy... still convinced adulthood is a giant crock.

These are the first five songs that came up on my iPod this morning presented with as little commentary or explanation as possible.

1. The Chiffons - Dream, Dream, Dream

(Note: Okay this video is atrocious, but it's the only one I could find for this song.  This artwork looks like something Christopher Walken's 'The Continental' character from SNL would have in his apartment.  My personal favorite is the painting of the topless woman erupting from a volcano!)

2. They Might Be Giants - Spiraling Shape

3. Lady Gaga (featuring Beyonce) - Telephone

4. The Jam - News of the World

5. Salt N Pepa - Let's Talk About Sex

And you know what, this exercise has done a better job of explaining me than any amount of writing about myself could ever accomplish.

Folks, have a great weekend!

Mental Patient Song - Little Lion Man

Like most people, I love music.  Unlike most people, or maybe everyone does this, I go through phases where  I fixate on one song and play it over and over again not unlike some kind of mental patient who thinks the music is telling him/her that extra terrestrials are coming to harvest humans for slaves on their home planet, hence the reason I call these my 'Mental Patient Songs'.  This is my current one, Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons.  I've got it on a constant loop in my car to and from work everyday.  I hearts it.