Imaginary Boyfriend Thursday... Another One Bites the Dust Edition

My longtime soccer boyf is going off the market this weekend.

That's right.  Little Xavi Shortpants is getting married to his girlfriend Nuria this weekend.

You guys, I don't know whether to laugh, cry, throw glitter in the air, or curl up in the fetal position.

I'm super happy for him, BUT I never thought I'd live to see the day.  I had him down in my book as a foreversingle just like me and now he's getting married and I just... I just... I just don't know about this.  I hate changes. I hate people growing up and being adults and doing adult things while I'm still back here living like a perpetual 13 year old.

It's the shits.

I bet he's going to look super hot in his wedding outfit.  I hope it looks something like this:

If I were a guest at the wedding, I would probably show up in something like this get-up:

In deep mourning, you guys.

Imaginary Boyfriend Thursday... Presented With Minimal Commentary Edition

Just some hot dudes I found while wasting time on Tumblr...

The Armitage

The Gilgun

Just some random tattooed mustachioed gentleman.

Just some random tattooed bearded gentleman in red suspenders.

Just some random bearded gentleman in an Adventure Time costume.

Turkish actor Burak Özçivit who really carries a mustache well.

Greek model Paraskevas Boubourakas.  Congratulations on your face, sir.

Two time Oscar winner and love of my life.

Imaginary Valentine Thursday... My Distinguished Austrian Gentleman Edition

Since I don't have an actual Valentine this year (or any year), I'm going on an imaginary Valentine's Day date with the man of my dreams...

Christoph and I have big plans tonight, but first a costume change!

You could probably seduce a man at 20 paces in this.

Who knows what we're going to get up to tonight?!  Champagne?  Candlelight??  Der Humpink???

All I know is the party won't stop until someone is in Freudian method psychoanalysis (because Freud was Austrian... get it?).

I didn't watch a romantic movie last night because I was running and eating cauliflower cheese "bread"sticks.

But here's another of my faves that I totally would have watched if I weren't doing more important things:

Notable for being zingy and hilarious... even 75 years later.

Casual leopard in the backseat.  Brilliant.

Plus Cary Grant in a negligee...

Go forth and spread some disease and drug-free love today, kids!

Things and Such... Also An Imaginary Boyfriend Thrown In

1. Stars - Hold On When You Get Love and Let Go When You Give It

A lyric from this song (my current running jam), has become my 2013 life motto:

 Take the weakest thing in you / and then beat the bastards with it.

2. This jackalope jewelry holder... which I desperately need because of very important non-negotiable reasons.

3. Speaking of jackalopes and life mottos... this should be required reading (p.s. it has nothing to do with jackalopes).  But only if you're in the mood to have your heart ripped out, re-shaped by powerful, knowing hands, and then gently placed back into your chest cavity... and who isn't?!

Also, I think I'm the very last person on the planet (possibly the solar system) to read this... forever the last person on every band wagon.  As I was reading I kept thinking 'why didn't anyone tell me to read this sooner?!' and then I remembered that they did... lots of people... and several times.  I'm an asshole.

4. Richard Ayoade

Richard meets all of my imaginary boyfriend requirements:

a) English

b) Funny

c) Adorable

d) Incredibly talented

e) Looks great in a suit

Imaginary Boyfriend Thursday... Super Power Edition

You guys, I totally have a super power.

Unfortunately it's not something very useful or the power I really want like time travel  and invisibility.

My super power is the ability to spot a handsome, English former public school boy at 100 paces.

They can try to disguise themselves by putting on a baseball cap or affecting an American accent, but they can never fool me.

Case in point:

The new season of one of my newest favorite shows, Boardwalk Empire, started two weeks ago.  In the first episode, there is a scene where one of the main characters, Margaret, is touring a hospital and has a testy conversation with a young doctor.  It's not an incredibly noteworthy scene, and yet it made me sit up a little straighter and say to myself, "Well well well... and who have we here?"

I'll tell you who we have here:

His name is Patrick Kennedy. He's British.  He went to Harrow with Benedict Cumberbatch. And he was in War Horse with Benedict AND Tom Hiddleston.

You guys, it doesn't help that his character on Boardwalk Empire is basically Mr. Darcy as a doctor in a 1920s era hospital.  Very arrogant and dismissive with the opposite of a bedside manner.

I can tell his character is going to be a maddening asshole... which I kind of have a soft spot for.  He certainly got Margaret Thompson fired up.

And so, burdened with this supernatural ability (and glorious purpose), the next logical question is 'how will I use it for the greater good?'

Answer: Honestly I'm not all that concerned about the greater good, but for the greater good of myself I hope I can use it to get myself a cute, English boyfriend.

Imaginary Boyfriend Thursday... Comeback Edition!

Yesterday when I logged into my email I had a notification of a comment on my previous blog from user 'bloody awful poetry'... and, you guys, it just really made my day because it was such a super nice comment.  Sometimes you just need a little blog love from a total stranger to give you some inspiration.

So I thought, in honor of that random act of gratuitous blog kindness, I would revive Imaginary Boyfriend Thursday in her honor.

And since this is my comeback, I thought I should pick someone super hot that is also trying to make a comeback: Tottenham Hotspurs manager Andre Villas-Boas!!

Now, you've already heard about my undying love for the dapper-as-fuck Pep Guardiola (who is currently living in NYC after leaving Barcelona... anyone up for a celebrity stalking trip to the Upper West Side?), but I think Andre is nudging his sartorial game into Pep territory.

Kind of in love with the little Tottenham emblem embroidered on his tie.
I'm sucker for a well-executed whimsical detail.

You see, Andre didn't have such a great time last season.  He was hired as the manager at Chelsea and then promptly sacked mid-season by the owner/Russian billionaire/Bond villain, Roman Abramovich.  Chelsea finished the season under Andre's second in command, Roberto Di Matteo.

He was made the manager of the Tottenham Hotspurs over the summer, and got off to a bit of an iffy start drawing the first two matches of the season.  But the team won their last match against Reading and I think this fella is on the comeback trail.

Source.

Yep, our man AVB has definitely got it going on.

Imaginary Boyfriend Thursday... Inanimate Object of My Affection Edition

I'll be honest, I'm very tempted to choose this bathtub as my imaginary boyfriend this week:

Because I am completely infatuated with it.

On a side note, I have actually seen a documentary about women who are in love with inanimate objects... so it's totally a thing.  One lady was married to the Eiffel Tower and had been in a long term relationship with her bow (she was an Olympic archer or something).  It was.... interesting.

You guys, I'm already enough of a weirdo.  I don't need to add 'married to a bathtub' to my list of idiosyncrasies.  So I'm choosing an actual person this week.  And that person is:

Spanish striker Fernando Torres!

Fernando isn't having the best season, so let's hope being my imaginary boyfriend will give him the confidence boost he needs to play well against Ireland today.

Imaginary Boyfriend Thursday... Love at 3rd or 4th Sight Edition

When I first started tooling around Tumblr I had 2 questions:

1. What does 'tbh' mean?

and

2. What is a Loki?

The first question I was able to clear up pretty quickly by getting out my old trusty copy of the Oh No They Didn't User's Glossary.

The second was a little more tricky.

My initial image searches turned up pictures like this...

And I was like okay. He's alright, I guess.

And then 4 to 15  hours later after I stared at some of these...

... I pretty much did a nose dive right onto the Tom Hiddleston bandwagon.

So it was a slow burn with me and Mr. Hiddleston, but our love is strong.  It shall endure.

Imaginary Boyfriend Thursday... We Now Interrupt Our Regularly Scheduled Program Edition

So yesterday as I was doing some hard hitting investigative research on Tumblr for Imaginary Boyfriend Thursday I got sidetracked by this gem from Cosmopolitan Magazine:

And no joke I was like this for 15 minutes straight:

You guys.... a DICK DONUT?  Is this what it has come to?

I think my favorite part about this "tip" is the visual I have in my mind of the actual act as well as the visual I have in my mind of the brainstorming session where the "journalists" at Cosmo came up with this act.

I just don't have the correct words to sum up all of my feelings about this.

So i'll just keep doing this:

Okay... ahem.  Onwards!

Since I didn't properly research this week's Imaginary Boyfriend, I'm just going to throw these photos of Jeremy Renner up without commentary and hope it is sufficient.

Who needs ovaries?

I wonder if Jeremy Renner likes donuts?

Imaginary Boyfriend Thursday... Dapper As Fuck Edition

I've already talked about all of the (non-superficial) reasons I am infatuated with Pep Guardiola.  So let's focus on the superficial ones... because they are much more fun.


Pep's sartorial game is 100% immaculate.

Hoodies, cardigans, and sweater vests... oh my!!

The cardigan under the tailored suit look is killing me softly, you guys.

Even in jeans...I mean how are his jeans so perfect?!  Are they tailored too?

This shirt looks so soft.  It makes me want to pet  him slightly more than usual.

We need Pep to come to America immediately to teach these basic American boys about real swagger.  For realsies.

Okay.  I guess I'll stop now.  I think I've made my point.