Reboot

I have been having some trouble with anxiety lately.  Just an unrelenting tightness in my abdomen and a  lot obsessive thoughts and worrying.  Such a terrific way to walk through the world!

Sometimes I think the best thing to do when anxiety descends is to stop, take a deep breath, and express some fucking gratitude for all of the wonderful things you have in this world.

I have so many things to be grateful for... a ridiculous and embarrassing amount of things actually.

I have a sweet little dog that worships the ground I walk on.
And a funny cat.
I have parents that would do anything for me.
And aunts and uncles that would too.
And grandparents that think that I'm brilliant.
And friends that make me laugh.
And a dude that thinks I'm pretty rad.
I have good books to read.
And rainy days.
And sunny days.
I have meditation.
And poetry.
I have a body that lets me do just about anything I want.
I have a job that gives me space to be creative in my free time.
And co-workers that I actually enjoy being around.
I have air conditioning when I'm hot.
I have heat when I'm cold.
And I have shelter from storms.
I receive love, affection, and acceptance from so many.
I receive lessons and insight about myself from so many.
And kindness from strangers too.

And acknowledging all of that takes the edge off of my anxiety, but it's still there.  And I guess the thing I am most grateful for is my heart... which knows on every level that this is only temporary.  That the anxiety will pass and good things are always moving into your life and problems are always sorting themselves out and the universe is always conspiring to shower you with even more blessings.

So I think today is a day for treating myself and others tenderly... I'm just going to wrap myself in a nice warm duvet reminder of all of the things that are right in my world, and try and find some ways to spread a little love and kindness out into the world.

I hope everyone has an amazing day.

To All My Neighbors, You Got Much Flavor

Feeling a little down today for various intangible reasons.  I think I need to dance it out with a little impromptu internet dance party.

Join me, won't you?

CRANK IT, MONTELL!

Okay.  I feel a little better now.  How are you guys doing?

I Wish I...

Were braver.

Had size 5 feet.

And long, slender fingers.

Were 3 inches shorter.

Could speak at least 2 other languages with ease.

Had a musical ear.

And perfect pitch.

Could give away everything I own without a moment's hesitation.

Had a talent so singularly obvious I would never have to question what my life's purpose should be.

Were bold.

And masterful at Photoshop.

Had the ability to draw with any level of skill.

Was best friends with Ricky Gervais.  Stephen Merchant too.

Had one of those metabolisms.

Had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a six four Impala.

In other news, is it possible to have a case of the Mondays on Wednesday? Because that's what I'm currently dealing with.  That or total and complete apathy.

Also, I wish I were wearing this today:

What I Wish I Wore 4/18/2012 by luxlis featuring pyramid earrings

And all of it could be mine for the low, low price of $1,700 plux tax!!!

So I guess I also wish I were very, very rich.

Tiger Lady

Well, I'm in the midst of period hell today.


Yes, my period.  We're talking about it.


I refuse to call it "shark week" or "my visit with Aunt Flo" or any other cutesy-wutesy nickname we as women have come up with to make it seem slightly less awful than it actually is.


Also, you should know that I get really fired up and feminist-y when I have my period because it fucking pisses me off that we have to do this every month.  HATE IT.


Which is why I think every one should read this open letter from Kelly Oxford.

AN  OPEN  LETTER  FOR  MEN  AND  WOMEN  ABOUT  MENSTRUATION

Ladies,

It’s only recently occurred to me that this entire ordeal of menstruation has been SEVERELY downplayed and we are feeding into it.
Last night my husband asked, “Why are you being such a bitch?”
He knows I am having my period. Why is he asking?
I came up with an answer, it’s because men and women keep this shit out of mind. I’m tired of it.
Bleeding for a week every month was probably downplayed to “period” by the same guy who says that a female “rape fantasy” means you are the victim.

If I told a guy that I had been bleeding for 3 days, he would not ask me why I was in a bad mood. If I then followed up by informing him that I actually can bleed for 7-9 days every month and survive he might even view me as some sort of hero.

Ladies, the world isn’t going to change until tampon commercials use red dye, instead of blue, to demonstrate absorbency.

Let’s think about this: Women are discreet about their periods - even with one another.
I want to say “OWN IT” when I see a woman shielding a tampon in her palm, or covering the bag of pads in her cart with a bag of marshmallows.
Because it is okay.
Not only is it okay, it’s your goddamn right to talk about it and hold it over the heads of every man you know. Not literally, of course.

Can you imagine the kind of shit we’d see if it were men having periods?
Commercials with warriors patting themselves on the backs for another month surviving the great “bleed”.
It wouldn’t be called a “period” as in, the “period” of time men don’t have as much fun doing fucky times with you….
Men would openly pass out absorbent socks for their wangs and smoke cigarettes while women looked on in disbelief and offer them more cigarettes for having lived through another week of blood.

But us? Well, it’s just too gross to think about. Women having their periods has been ingrained in our minds as THE MOST disgusting repetitive human event next to shit.
Here is why.
It’s to keep us from benefiting from it.
So I say, flaunt those tampons ladies, remind your partner when you are bleeding that you-are-indeed-bleeding, and when he gets grossed out it would be a good time to also bring up that whole rape fantasy thing too.

Your friend,
Kelly

So, you know what?  We are women and we are bad asses, and we need to start bragging about that like ALL OF THE TIME.  Men brag about every minor horseshit thing they've ever sort of accomplished, why shouldn't we?

Blerg

Things:

I stayed up two hours past my bedtime watching Breaking Dawn and drinking cheap old lady wine.

And that is officially the saddest sentence I've ever written.

I wasn't alone though... that would have made it the saddest sentence in the history of sentences.

-------

I had to put skim milk in my coffee because I ran out of coffee creamer.  It's just awful, you guys.

-------

I didn't watch one single second of the Oscars because I don't think it's healthy to congratulate people who are probably already raging narcissists.

-------

I'm going on another cruise next January.

-------

Christopher Plummer in The Sound of Music was, like, the original DILF.

-------

I really like that new (to me) Gotye song.

-------

And I think that concludes the list of thoughts that are tumbling around in my brain this morning.

First Five

It's Monday which means I am nearly comatose.  And I only know one cure for that...

Cocaine.

But since I'm at work this morning, I'll settle for coffee and playing my iPod at top volume.

Let's see what kind of a mood Mr. iPod is in today, shall we?

1. Lovin' Machine - John Spencer Blues Explosion

2. Empire State of Mind - Jay-Z (featuring Alicia Keys)

3. Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey - Paul McCartney

4. I Want A New Drug - Huey Lewis and the News

5. We Found Love - Rihanna

Interesting choices, sir.  And 'kudos' on #4... strangely appropriate, i.e. the cocaine comment above.

In other news, you guys, my hair is the definition of 'awful' today.

So I have that going for me.