I Went To a Bridal Fair and Only Had One Panic Attack

Way way back in January, when the cold and snow still seemed like a quaint opportunity to indulge in coziness, I coerced my mom and Aunt Rho into accompanying me to the local bridal fair.

I prepared. I read blog posts with tips about how to negotiate the shit storm of information and solicitation one would encounter. I put together a BINDER with TABS and POUCHES.

I brought a pen, you guys.

I had a super brief shopping list of vendors to check out because, lo and behold, I had actually broken my lifelong tradition of procrastinating everything to the last effing day/week/month, and found myself ahead of my planning schedule.

What I needed:

- A DJ

- A Florist

- To sample all of the caterers even though I already had a caterer


What I left with:

- A string quartet for the ceremony that I never even knew I needed/wanted/could afford

- A lot of business cards

- A desperate and irrational need for one of these dumb but awesome shirts.

I KNOW.  So basic, but GIMMEGIMMEGIMME.

I made it about 1/3 of the way through the vendors before I had my meltdown. It was one I had needed to have for weeks… one that for many people would have been preempted by simply asking their loved ones for help.

Being an unintentionally dramatic sort… I decided to go with my tried and true technique of bottling things up until I explode.

As I always say "If it ain’t broke… don’t try to resolve it without causing a scene!"

My aunt and my mom were great. They pulled me aside, listened to my barrage of “But WHOs? But HOWs? But WHENNNs?” and calmly reassured me that all of these things would be figured out and taken care of and that I had plenty of help. I would not spend my wedding away running around the reception space setting up elaborate centerpieces and trying to paint my dog’s toenails. (Note to self: Add ‘Ask father to paint dog’s toenails’ to to-do list).


Because, you know, it is all going to get done. And it’s going to be awesome and now that things are coming together and I can anticipate what it’s going to look/be/feel like to have my friends and family surrounding me when I marry my favorite being in the entire universe… well… I seriously can’t wait, you guys!

So Apparently I'm a Bride

And I don't 100% know what that means except that I tricked a wonderful boy into marrying my particular brand of crazy and now I get to pick out pretty colors (hello blush and bashful!) and dresses and everyone tells me 'Yes.... of course that is beautiful' and 'This is YOUR day' all of the time.

So it's pretty great and I'm pretty sure Beyonce's everyday existence is just like this.

The other part about being a bride is that you're expected to plan an actual wedding.

If you've spent any amount of time on Pinterest these days, you know that weddings are a real BEAST.

I listened to this podcast once about an organization that teaches refugees that come to America about how to function in America.... topics in class range from 'how to use a debit card' to 'how to shop for groceries'.  They interviewed a number of people who had successfully transitioned to life in America about what they remembered from their first months in America.  Most of them mentioned being overwhelmed by the amount of choices.  One recounted a particularly traumatizing venture to the store to buy deodorant.

Have you guys ever thought about how many different kinds of deodorant there are?  All of them variations on the same theme: don't have smelly pits.

So Pinterest is like that except for brides.  And I didn't come to this Pinterest Bride Party completely unprepared.  I have been dreaming about throwing this epic party for years.  I'm coming to the table with actual opinions about color schemes and centerpieces, and I still feel overwhelmed.

But the great news is that the wonderful boy I've tricked into marrying me is also a great co-planner, and much better at pulling the trigger and making decisions than I am.

In the meantime, I thought it would be fun to document the planning process as we stumble our way through it right here on my blog.

And, who knows... if we can't reach a consensus about one of the myriads of decisions we're being asked to make over the next several months, we might just poll you and then blame you when it doesn't turn out perfectly.

Sounds like an ideal plan to me!