You're Cordially Invited...

... to a Dothraki Baby Shower!

My pal JJ at Simple Musings is about to deliver a teeny-tiny Khaleesi into the world, and I thought I would throw an imaginary Khaleesi-themed baby shower in her honor.

When:
Today. Right now

Where:
Vaes Dothraki (aka the marquee on the lawn of my mansion)

Attire:
Just ask yourself "what would a khaleesi wear?"

I'm going for Dothraki handmaiden chic

Menu:
Stallion hearts and fermented mare's milk

OR

cake, cream cheese mints, and sherbet punch because you know how much I love them

AND

a sparkling cider pyramid, of course!

Party Favors:

Everyone leaves with their very own mini horse!

I'm naming mine Jorah.

 And now for the best part... my gift for JJ and her little Noelle:

It's a black diamond-studded dragon egg jewelry box.  Sure, I probably should have gotten something more practical for a baby, but little Noelle is going to need somewhere to store her growing jewelry collection and I think this is the perfect place to start.


And with that I will say 'Congratulations!!' to JJ and her husband, and I wish her all the luck in the world for the safe delivery of her little girl.  I can't wait to "meet" her!

Materialism

I like buying things.  It makes me happy.  I know I should find happiness in more philosophical (aka free) things (and I do... really!), but sometimes a new thing just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

And that is how I'm justifying the buying spree I have been on lately.

Here are just some of my recent purchases:

1. Old Navy The Rockstar super skinny jeans

I love these jeans.  They are super comfy, and they come in tall sizes.  I'm slightly perplexed as to why I have to buy tall sizes.  I think the starting off point for these sizes is 5'10" and I am 5'8", but I must be freakishly proportioned because these are just the right length (meaning just slightly too long, but that's how I like them).

2. Deux Lux purse

It's not this one exactly.  It is similar in shape, but mine is this awesome aubergine-y plum-y color.  So pretty.  It makes my materialistic heart sing every time I see it.

3. These sweaters from Forever 21

I read recently that Capricorns tend to age emotionally in reverse.  They start out as incredibly intense and serious children, and grow more light-hearted through the years.  Based on many of my clothing choices in recent months, this is pretty accurate. 

4. These OPI nail polishes



Source.



Source.

Both are from the OPI German Collection.  The top one is 'German-icure' and the bottom is 'Every Month Is Oktoberfest'. Awesome fall nail colors.

5. Season 1 and 2 of The League of Gentlemen

I'm going to barely attempt to explain this show by saying that it's sort of like a combination of Monty Python and The Twilight Zone.  So dark and bizarre and funny.  It used to be on Comedy Central forever ago.  Anyways, Mark Gatiss (writer for Dr. Who and writer/show runner for Sherlock) is in it and he is basically my hero/imaginary best friend. We'll talk more about him later.

Honestly, I could list probably 10 other things I have selfishly purchased for myself. But on the other end of the spectrum I have also purchased birthday gifts and made donations to a couple of charites so clearly I am still the saint-like person I've always portrayed myself to be.

Things And Such

1. Twinings Prince of Wales Tea

I have become one of those pretentious assholes who drinks tea.  Congratulations to me.  And I've been sucking this stuff down like it is mother's milk.

2. Anna's Ginger Thins

And everyday when I'm being a pretentious asshole, I am usually dunking these delicious gingerbread cookies into my tea. Really good, you guys.

3. This mug

This is my new pretentious asshole tea mug.  Or it will be when it arrives.  There's just something about a deer smoking a pipe next to the word 'tits' that makes me happy.

4. The Hobbit

I'm currently in countdown mode for Nerd Christmas (aka the day The Hobbit movie comes out in theaters), and in the meantime I'm drinking a lot of tea while re-reading this.  It's just as good as you remembered it.

5.  This short film/play

This is Sea Wall by Simon Stephens, starring Andrew Scott (of Sherlock/Moriarty fame). I hesitate adding this to this flippant list, to be honest, because this film (and my feelings about this film/play) deserves it's own epic blog post.  But if you find yourself with 30 free minutes and a desire to have your heart ripped out of your chest, kicked around the floor, and then gently placed back into your chest so that you will find yourself for days afterwards thinking about life, and God, and love, and the sea, and what everything you've ever thought about those things means.... well then maybe go here and rent or purchase it (it is only available to view online). Major feelings ghost material, you guys.

Imaginary Boyfriend Thursday... Super Power Edition

You guys, I totally have a super power.

Unfortunately it's not something very useful or the power I really want like time travel  and invisibility.

My super power is the ability to spot a handsome, English former public school boy at 100 paces.

They can try to disguise themselves by putting on a baseball cap or affecting an American accent, but they can never fool me.

Case in point:

The new season of one of my newest favorite shows, Boardwalk Empire, started two weeks ago.  In the first episode, there is a scene where one of the main characters, Margaret, is touring a hospital and has a testy conversation with a young doctor.  It's not an incredibly noteworthy scene, and yet it made me sit up a little straighter and say to myself, "Well well well... and who have we here?"

I'll tell you who we have here:

His name is Patrick Kennedy. He's British.  He went to Harrow with Benedict Cumberbatch. And he was in War Horse with Benedict AND Tom Hiddleston.

You guys, it doesn't help that his character on Boardwalk Empire is basically Mr. Darcy as a doctor in a 1920s era hospital.  Very arrogant and dismissive with the opposite of a bedside manner.

I can tell his character is going to be a maddening asshole... which I kind of have a soft spot for.  He certainly got Margaret Thompson fired up.

And so, burdened with this supernatural ability (and glorious purpose), the next logical question is 'how will I use it for the greater good?'

Answer: Honestly I'm not all that concerned about the greater good, but for the greater good of myself I hope I can use it to get myself a cute, English boyfriend.

You A Bad Bitch

There are just days, you know.

Days when you look like a librarian on the outside, but feel like the Black Widow on the inside.

Days when you just feel like you need to shoot a Kalashnikov or throw a grenade at something.  And then casually waltz away as the world erupts around you... all set to a kick ass soundtrack.

Well I can't do any of those things today... especially not the skin-tight leather body suit part, but I can listen to my new kick-ass super villainess soundtrack.

1. Demons (Diplo remix) - Sleigh Bells

2. Army of Me (Sucker Punch remix) - Björk (featuring Skunk Anansie)

3. Titanium - David Guetta (featuring Sia)

4. Bitch - Plastiscines

5. Immigrant Song - Karen O, Trent Reznor, and Atticus Ross (from the Girl With A Dragon Tattoo soundtrack)

6. Ich Will - Rammstein

7. Boys Wanna Be Her - Peaches

So, my fellow bad bitches,  let's suit up in our skin-tight leather and go kick the shit out of life.

Imaginary Boyfriend Thursday... Comeback Edition!

Yesterday when I logged into my email I had a notification of a comment on my previous blog from user 'bloody awful poetry'... and, you guys, it just really made my day because it was such a super nice comment.  Sometimes you just need a little blog love from a total stranger to give you some inspiration.

So I thought, in honor of that random act of gratuitous blog kindness, I would revive Imaginary Boyfriend Thursday in her honor.

And since this is my comeback, I thought I should pick someone super hot that is also trying to make a comeback: Tottenham Hotspurs manager Andre Villas-Boas!!

Now, you've already heard about my undying love for the dapper-as-fuck Pep Guardiola (who is currently living in NYC after leaving Barcelona... anyone up for a celebrity stalking trip to the Upper West Side?), but I think Andre is nudging his sartorial game into Pep territory.

Kind of in love with the little Tottenham emblem embroidered on his tie.
I'm sucker for a well-executed whimsical detail.

You see, Andre didn't have such a great time last season.  He was hired as the manager at Chelsea and then promptly sacked mid-season by the owner/Russian billionaire/Bond villain, Roman Abramovich.  Chelsea finished the season under Andre's second in command, Roberto Di Matteo.

He was made the manager of the Tottenham Hotspurs over the summer, and got off to a bit of an iffy start drawing the first two matches of the season.  But the team won their last match against Reading and I think this fella is on the comeback trail.

Source.

Yep, our man AVB has definitely got it going on.

Feelings Ghost

A couple of months ago I read a paragraph length review on Tumblr of Lykke Li's cover of Fleetwood Mac's Silver Springs that I really liked.

I really like the song too.  It's beautiful.  You should listen to it... here.

But this part of the review really got to me:

“Let’s take the best shy girl singing about being a shy girl in 2k12 and make her sing this fucking classic song about being bad at love and turning into a feelings ghost,” they said.

Something about that phrase 'feelings ghost'  really hit home for me.  

As a person who loves to write, is in love with language, and collects words and phrases the way others collect porcelain figurines, I love finding a phrase that really manages to encapsulate an entire state of being in a succinct, perfect way.

I would struggle to explain to you what 'feelings ghost' means to me because it would be hard to define it without using the phrase 'feelings ghost'.  Sometimes a writer finds such a perfect way to describe something you don't know how to explain it without just repeating the phrase back, but with slightly different emphasis.  Like repeating the same word over and over in a slightly louder voice to a person that doesn't speak English, as if volume was the key to making them understand what you meant.

So instead of shouting the phrase 'FEELINGS GHOST' at you over and over, I thought I would share some music that make me feel like a feelings ghost in the hopes that you might understand some glimmer of what I'm struggling to say.

Björk - Hyperballad

"I go through this before you wake up so I can be happier to be safe up here with you."

Sarah Jaffe - Clementine

Death Cab For Cutie - Marching Bands of Manhattan

"Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole. Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound. But while you debate half empty or half full, it slowly rises. Your love is going to drown."

New Order - Temptation

Van Morrison - Sweet Thing

"And I will walk in gardens all wet with rain, and I will never, ever, ever, ever grow so old again."