August 23, 2016

Welcome Back, Kotter

Yesterday was my first day as a college student after a 7 year unintentional sabbatical.


My top skills as a student in days past were:
  • Overachieving for a month
  • Stressing myself out because of my inability to prioritize
  • Ghosting all of my classes
  • Showing up for one last class to see if I felt differently about it
  • Withdrawing from all my classes
I was especially good at the withdrawing from all of my classes part. 

I have notebooks, folders, and good pens.  I'm too big to fail, you guys.  Right??

In other news I think I'm starting to feel the baby move.  Maybe???  Honestly, it could just be gas, but I'm choosing to believe that it is a for real baby spinning around in my innards.  

Name update:  still no name.

August 4, 2016

When Does the Glowing Start?

What does glowing even mean? Sweaty?  I'm definitely sweaty.  I've also got a lot of zits.

My doctor told me that I need to start thinking about choosing a pediatrician for the baby. And, you guys, it just seems ridiculous.

I'm so ill-prepared for this child in every other way.  So far this is what we have purchased for the baby:

- a pack and play that my mom found cheap on Facebook Marketplace
- a diaper bag my mom found at TJ Maxx
- A tiny baby cardigan that reminded me of The Dude's cardigan from The Big Lebowski
- a record player
- a Snoopy Sno-cone machine

Am I even allowed to be a parent?  I'm really starting to question the person that signed off on me being in charge of a baby.

In other news, the Run Boy Run palette from Makeup Revolution London is pretty great.  Only $10!

July 27, 2016

First Trimester: A Life in Pictures

Have you heard the news?  I'm currently growing a complete human within my own body.  A boy human.

And it turns out I'm not the Earth Goddess pregnant lady I was hoping I would be.

Since I can't communicate the experience the most effective way... interpretative dance, I'm going to walk  you through this 8 week long (14 weeks total) shit show with photos I stole from the internet.

But mostly this...

You guys I'm two weeks into the 2nd trimester and I'm still sick as a damn dog.  My spirits are not high.  I cried last night because I couldn't have wine or a hot bath.  And also because I convinced myself that no one even liked me any more.  They were only nice to me because they want to be friends with the baby.

It was one of my best moments.

We've made zero progress on picking out names.  Wade has more of a mid-century modern naming sensibility and I'm much more rustic modern with an Americana twist.

I'm planning on suggesting the name Fievel today.  He will think I'm joking, but I'm not.

May 3, 2016

Perfume: A Life Story

"A perfume is like a piece of clothing, a message, a way of presenting oneself, a costume that differs according to the woman who wears it."
- Paloma Picasso

Elizabeth Arden Sunflowers - This perfume feels like the last time I felt comfortable in my skin until I was 30.  This is summer time.  This is wheat fields.  This is swimming in the Ablah's pool and listening to Matthew Sweet.  This is dying your hair bright red with Manic Panic.  This is feeling like the best version of yourself while wearing cut-off denim and a t-shirt.

Calgon Hawaiian Ginger body spray/patchouli oil/Jovan Island Gardenia - The dabbling years. High school wasn't that much fun.  I wasn't bullied.  I had friends.  I did well in classes.  But it just wasn't fun.  I was lost.  I had an idea of the person I was, but I felt trapped by what everyone else thought I was.  I loved makeup and clothes.  I could recite Shakespeare's Sonnets by heart.  I loved romance and adventure.  But I was the serious girl who always wore a dark blue hoodie.  I didn't think anyone would be okay with the riotous springtime that was happening inside of me.

Romance by Ralph Lauren - I think I wore this because I wanted to be the kind of person who wore this.  I wanted to be softer.  I wanted to be inviting and lovely.  I had spent the four years of high school building a "barrier of barb and check" around myself.  I wanted to tear it down after high school, but I didn't know how. So I wore this perfume, but it didn't change anything. Eventually I just gave up and built the wall higher. To the sky.

Pink Sugar by Aquolina - This was an attempt at frivolity in my mid 20s.  I am frivolous in many ways, but frivolous in a sort of dark carnival way.  This perfume is pure cotton candy and pink cherubs playing The Carpenters on lutes. When I wear it now it feels oppressive and like a person who doesn't understand herself.

Angel by Thierry Mugler - Body chemistry is a weird thing.  This perfume smells good on me.  On some molecular level this perfume hits my body and becomes something better. I've had to prove to other people who also wear this perfume, that this is what I'm wearing. Diablo Cody calls this the ultimate stripper perfume in her memoir Candy Girl: A Year In the Life of an Unlikely Stripper.  I like that.

Flower Bomb by Viktor & Rolf - This choice says a lot about me.  Not the scent though.  The scent is good, but whatever.  But the fact that I found my perfume...  THE PERFUME...  and then decided I should try something else because the something else seemed more interesting and distinctive says plenty.  I tried to force myself to love it, and I still wear it occasionally when I want to switch it up.  I'm just not this girl.

Angel by Thierry Mugler - This is the perfume I will be wearing when I die. Most likely causes: eating too many cheddar bay biscuits or a freak carnival ride accident.

Weird question... do you guys look in the mirror when you put on perfume?  I do, and I don't know why.

April 25, 2016

Magpie Heart

In the mood for something new and shiny?  Always.

Baublebar Lightening Rod Drops

I bought these earrings to wear to the Wichita Art Museum Color Party.  It was the tenth anniversary of the party so they asked people to dress in any of the colors from the past ten parties.

I bought a cheap but awesome tonal sequin dress from Forever 34, but when it arrived I realized that I looked like 10 lbs of potatoes in a 5 lbs sack.  Nope nope nope.

I ended up wearing a black goddess-y maxi dress with neon embroidery from last summer.  I still wore the earrings, and I copied this hairstyle.

You guys, I looked like some kind of Electric Kool-Aid Earth Goddess from the Moon.  I felt awesome. Totally worth the $34.

Drunk. Terrible Lighting. Very Happy.

Klimt Tarot - Pocket Golden Edition

Use them. Frame them.  Keep them in a pretty silk pouch and just enjoy the knowledge that you possess them.  Whatevs.

Here is a good Tarot reference guide for getting started!

Real Techniques Brushes - this set, this set, and THIS BRUSH for starters

You guys.  You GUYS.  The expert face brush alone is worth its weight in gold.  These brushes are so ding dang cheap and so well-made... plus they are synthetic which means precious baby animals are not being harmed for your vain ass self.

I was a MAC/Sigma/Zoeva/Morphe brush-aholic.  These are better.  Plus they are so cheap that you can buy multiple sets... and you will want multiple sets.  The base shadow brush from the eyes starter set (purple brushes) is a more wonderful MAC 217.  Which anyone who spends any amount of time doing make knows is the end all be all of eye shadows brushes.  It's your base shadow brush, your crease brush, your blending brush, your concealer brush, your nose contour brush.  You can't have enough of them.

And that expert face brush will change your foundation/blush/bronzer/contour game.  So so good.

OH!  And the deluxe crease brush from the eyes starter set is my new go-to concealer blending brush!

September 14, 2015

Riotous Late Summer Tingles

I'm heavily into dog pool parties and other dog pool party related interests these days.

Today I thought I would share some bits and bats that are really putting the jive in my turkey these days.

1. This mock turtleneck poncho top from Forever 21 which is light enough to wear in 80° weather, but black enough to make me look like a witch (my favorite aesthetic).

2. Devil's Spoke by Laura Marling... is goth folk a genre?  It should be.

3. This makeup tutorial is the perfect summer to fall transition... nude lip for summer, berry lip for winter.

4. Opinion sharing time:  This should have been the song of the summer.

Get off my areola, indeed.

5. Planning on making these pretzel bread bowls and filling them with beer cheese soup very soon.  Hello Oktoberfest.

6. An important reminder:

I hope y'all are kicking this Monday to the moon!

P.S.  Only 19 days to go!

September 2, 2015

Things and Such

Greetings and Howdy-Do!  Long time no bullshit!

This wedding nonsense is winding down (1 month and 1 day left you guys!), and life is being less life-y... so blogging here I come!

Let's ease me back in gently with some things I found while being inundated with wedding related advertising.  I can't wait for my recommendations on Etsy to not look like this anymore:

First of all let's talk about Diesel the Bulldog.

You guys this is a metaphor for so many things in my life.  Mostly my relationship with food.

Speaking of food (and weird relationships with food)... someone buy this for me.

Have you ever purchased an article of clothing because you were excited about how much food you could comfortably eat while wearing it?  I'd like to introduce you to my new Thanksgiving dinner shirt:

It's basically a tablecloth with a hole cut out for my head.  Thanks, Forever 21!

So I really would like to make blogging a regular thing again.  I miss this blog's musk so much!  I promise not to change it to a cute-sy asshole newlywed blog with an asshole name like 'Miss to Missus'.  Barf me to death.

Also,  this is what Henry has been up to:

Talk to you soon, dumplings!

Popular Posts