March 26, 2013

Incoherent Thoughts

Allow me to ramble.

First of all, it is 19° outside on the 26th day of the third month in the year of our Lord 2013.

It motherfucking snowed on Saturday and Sunday.

I ate my Greek yogurt huddled over my open oven door this morning like a little pioneer lady in her sod shanty (they totally had Greek yogurt by the way... and probably hummus too).

Where is the sunshine?  Where are the tulips??  I want to go on bike rides, and wear my new t-shirt.

This would pair nicely with some galaxy leggings, and complete my regeneration into a hipster asshole.

SPEAKING OF WHICH!  I challenged myself to make the most annoyingly accurate hipster girl outfit possible on Polyvore.  I think we can all agree that my mission was accomplished.

I think the lavender hair and pork pie hat really put it over the top.
Confession: If I were 17 (and had perfect doll tits),  I would probably wear this... not even ironically.

BUT there was no bike riding or t-shirt wearing to be had this weekend.  All was not a loss though... instead I spent Saturday evening at the incredible home of Katherine and Conan from Keep Smiling.  Katherine and Conan are currently in the process of turning a vintage camper into a mobile photo studio and darkroom for their business, Lamphouse Photo Co.  In the meantime they are set up in the attic of their house (which has seriously been featured in magazines and shit... it's that cool), and they photographed myself and some of their friends while the snow fell outside.  Super fun, you guys!  Go check out some of the photos they took of us here!

And so, to end, here's what I have on the agenda this week:

A fondue party!

Sweaters and mugs of beer will be mandatory.

I'm having a fondue gathering with my family on Saturday, and I have a question.  Besides bread and boiled potatoes what are some good things to dip in cheese?  I mean, I would dip pretty much anything in cheese and eat it, but what would normal people like to dip in cheese and eat??

And new running shoes!

I'm dealing with some serious shoe envy lately.  When I'm at the gym I mostly spend all of my time staring at everyone's shoes wishing I had cooler ones.  It's like a return to 3rd grade when everyone had Reebok Pumps, and I had knock offs from Payless.  Quelle sad.  I think I should wait until after the Color Me Rad 5K in May and let my old ones get destroyed with paint bombs.  Then I'll have a legitimate reason to buy new shoes.  Or maybe I'll just give into my natural inclination towards materialism and vanity... who knows?!


Game of Thrones premiere on Sunday, y'all.  Game of motherfucking Thrones.

March 21, 2013

We Have A Lot In Common

This is the cover for Beyonce's new single Bow Down:

And this is the cover for my new single Bow Down, Part Two: The Reckoning:

I should never have been taught how to use a computer.

March 20, 2013

Bric A Brac

From Why You're Single by Amanda Crute:
You are single because you are single. It’s really as simple as that. You haven’t made the connection with another heart yet. You can get dolled up, dress cute, cut your hair, dye your hair, tweeze your eyebrows, put on lipstick and you may still. be. single. You can go out to a bar hoping to meet the love of your life and not find a damn one in the place attractive. And it’s going to remain that way until it’s time for you to find one. Stop hoping for it. Start living the life that you do have instead of wishing for things that you don’t have. There will come a time you’ll meet a boy and you’ll have to give up some of this single freedom you currently have. Start being more thankful. Start doing that now.

Articulate thoughts from articulate people regarding the Steubenville Rape Trial (emphasis mine):

 From Jenny Trout:
I have no doubt in my mind that these young men did not know they were raping that girl. Note: I'm not excusing them from raping her. I'm sure, I'm 100% sure, that they knew they were doing something very, very wrong. Maybe in their heads they thought, "We're taking advantage of this drunk girl," or "She's not saying yes, but she's not saying no, either." But I have no doubt that they didn't realize what they were engaged in was rape.
Because we don't teach young men what rape is; we want to protect their right to rape.
And from Henry Rollins:
I think to a great degree, we humans still divide ourselves into two species, even though we are monotypic. There are males and females. We see them as different and not equal. Things get better when women get more equality. That is a bit obvious but I think it leads to better results up the road. If it’s a man’s world as they say, then men, your world is a poorly run carnage fest.

It is obvious that the two offenders saw the victim as some one that could be treated as a thing. This is not about sex, it is about power and control. I guess that is what I am getting at. Sex was probably not the hardest thing for the two to get, so that wasn’t the objective. When you hear the jokes being made during the crime, it is the purest contempt.

So, how do you fix that? I’m just shooting rubber bands at the night sky but here are a few ideas: Put women’s studies in high school the curriculum from war heroes to politicians, writers, speakers, activists, revolutionaries and let young people understand that women have been kicking ass in high threat conditions for ages and they are worthy of respect.

And, on a lighter note, horoscopes from The Rumpus written by Madame Clairevoyant, who does not claim to know anything about astrology, and, yet, manages to write some of the most insightful horoscopes I've ever read:
Capricorn: When things bother you this week, when things go wrong, you might feel like the whole world is burning up, like your body and your life are disintegrating, like everything’s falling apart. It’s going to drive you crazy, the little things that don’t go right this week, but try to ride out your frustration—watch it until it starts to move. The anger you’ll feel this week is the kind of force that can make the whole world open up. It can show you colors you’ve never seen before. It can show you how to fly.

The following gif is my inner self this week.  My inner monologue is the word 'murder' hissed in a sinister whisper.

March 13, 2013

Thinking About Changing the Name of My Blog... this list of search keywords from my blog stats:

Because this captures the true essence of what is happening here much more than 'It's Jess!' ever could.

March 12, 2013

Bits and Bats and Things I Found While Looking Around...

1. Marina Meets Ulay

“Marina Abramovic and Ulay started an intense love story in the 70s, performing art out of the van they lived in. When they felt the relationship had run its course, they decided to walk the Great Wall of China, each from one end, meeting for one last big hug in the middle and never seeing each other again. at her 2010 MoMa retrospective Marina performed ‘The Artist Is Present’ as part of the show, a minute of silence with each stranger who sat in front of her. Ulay arrived without her knowing it and this is what happened.”

2. This Poem:
“You tried to change didn’t you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
him travelling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do, love
split his head open?
you can’t make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful

something not everyone knows how to love.”
- "For Women Who Are Difficult To Love" by Warsan Shire

3. Embroidering this on a cushion:

4. In case you wanted to know what it's like to watch soccer with me:

5. My current relationship with waffles:

6. Break Bones by Internet Forever

7. I got a private nighttime tour of the Wichita Scottish Rite (Masonry) Temple.  A few highlights:

March 8, 2013

On the Occasion of International Women's Day...

I want to send out a solid gold fist bump to my fellow bad bitches.

And please always remember the 5 Golden Rules:

1. You don't owe anyone shit.

2. You are hardcore.  No one can even touch you.

3. If anyone does try to give you a hard time just give me a call, and I'll show up with a pocketful of brass knuckles and enough chains and broken bottles to pass around. We'll rumble until dawn if necessary.

4. Keep slow strutting like it's your job.

5. We will always win against the patriarchal male.

March 7, 2013

Imaginary Boyfriend Thursday... Presented With Minimal Commentary Edition

Just some hot dudes I found while wasting time on Tumblr...

The Armitage
The Gilgun
Just some random tattooed mustachioed gentleman.
Just some random tattooed bearded gentleman in red suspenders.
Just some random bearded gentleman in an Adventure Time costume.
Turkish actor Burak Özçivit who really carries a mustache well.
Greek model Paraskevas Boubourakas.  Congratulations on your face, sir.
Two time Oscar winner and love of my life.

March 4, 2013

In the Movie Version of My Life

I think I'm in a period of my life I like to call 'movie-montaging'.

Like those scenes in movies that usually start right after the main character has hit some sort of rock-bottom, and the inspirational music kicks in...

And they start slowly pulling their fragmented life together.

Cleaning the booze out of their refrigerator.

Watering their nearly dead houseplants.

Learning to read.

Jogging through snow with logs on their back.

And at first they suck, but as the music crescendos, they turn a corner and suddenly they're doing 17,000 one-armed push ups and getting hired for their dream job.

I'm pretty sure that's what I'm supposed to be doing right now.  Because although there is nothing concretely awesome on the horizon, I feel pretty confident there will be so imma sit tight and do oblique crunches until it arrives.

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