Remember when I used to write things on here and pretend that people were reading those things?
Such a good time for everyone... right?
Well, I'm back to say something. I don't know what that something is, but let's just see where we end up.
First of all, man oh man, has the last month and a half been intense. To clarify, my definition of 'intense' is probably very different from most people's definition. I think it's intense if I have to have my oil changed and buy groceries in the same day. Quel horreur!
Well it has been intense... just a lot of awesome things all thrown at me at once (and some not so awesome things but I've got my fingers crossed on those things working themselves out).
I know I've said it here before that I just really feel like in the past 6 months I am in the exact place I am meant to be... it's an intense feeling of knowing that your feet are traversing the correct path and that you are hitting every landmark and crossroads exactly when you are supposed to be. It makes me feel kind of in love with the Universe in a very dopey, new age-y way that I have trouble expressing most of the time.
There is, however, a kind of terror that comes with this feeling though. Because although I trust 100% that I am doing what I'm supposed to be doing and heading towards where I'm supposed to be heading I have no idea what/where that somewhere is. It's actually crazy awesome once you get past the bed-wetting anxiety.
I imagine my face looks something like this most of the time:
So I realize I'm being super vague about what all of this "intense stuff" is, and it's really only because I have no idea what is going on... i'm just kind of along for the ride at this point and trying to enjoy it and not be too fixated on what the outcome will be. You know?
Suffice it to say that the world is a weird, wonderful place that will send you off on unexpected trajectories at a moment's notice so you better just keep your chuck taylors laced on as tight as possible and try to keep a smile on your face because all indications point to you ending up somewhere you've always wanted to be.
And never be afraid of burning bridges. Or being vulnerable. Or believing that you can have whatever you want. Just never be afraid if you can manage it.
In other news I'm 10 lbs away from my goal weight (for a grand total of over 130 lbs lost over the course of 2 years).
You guys, weight loss is such a weird thing. It takes so much time for your brain to catch up with your body (no matter how slowly you lose the weight). I'm just now starting to see my physical self clearly... to not feel like a "fat" person. It's a real mind fuck. An awesome mind fuck, but still a very definite mind fuck.
In other other news, I'm going camping this weekend... like in a tent camping. I haven't done this since I was probably 15 years old. How will my 31 year old back fare sleeping on the hard-packed earth? Probably terribly, but it'll still be great.
And, last of all, here's a song I'm listening to like a crazy person (in between listening to the leaked Kanye album):
Forever by Haim