What's Ripe to Rot?

I read Rob Brezsny's horoscopes every week like it is my religion.  I know horoscopes and astrology aren't for everyone, but I think anyone with open, curious mind can benefit from reading his thought-provoking advice every week.

For instance, here is mine (Capricorn):

"The person who can't visualize a horse galloping on a tomato is an idiot," said the founder of Surrealism, writer André Breton. I wouldn't go so far as to call such an imagination-deprived soul an "idiot," but I do agree with the gist of his declaration. One of the essential facets of intelligence is the ability to conjure up vivid and creative images in one's mind. When daily life has grown a bit staid or stuck or overly serious, this skill becomes even more crucial. Now is one of those times for you, Capricorn. If you have any trouble visualizing a horse galloping on a tomato, take measures to boost the fertility of your imagination.

These are not your average run of the mill "you will meet a dark stranger" horoscopes.  They ask you to think deeply about yourself and to try something different.  I think anyone can benefit from that.

I look forward to reading his newsletter every week because it always contains some other tidbit (besides the horoscopes) that stop me right in my damn tracks.  This week it was this:

"Don't eat any food that's incapable of rotting," says Michael Pollan in  his book *In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto.* In other words, highly processed foods with a long shelf life don't contribute to your optimum vitality.  I'd like to expand this rule to make it an all-purpose guideline for life. Try out this hypothesis: If you're involved with any person or situation that never decays, or if there is some part of you that never decays, that's 

highly suspicious and may be a problem. Like growth, rot is a natural 

phenomenon. Indeed, every advancement requires or brings the disintegration of whatever it replaces. You can't grow if you don't rot. The "perfection" of stasis can be hazardous to your health.

What's ripe to rot in your world?

A couple of people have recently made comments (jokingly, but maybe 50% seriously) that although they admire my optimism about life it also bothers them (or annoys them possibly?)  My first reaction was 'What a strange reaction to someone trying to be happy?'

But then I thought 'Yeah, but who wouldn't be annoyed by someone who acts like sunshine and rainbows shoot out of their asshole 24 hours a goddamn day?'

I know I would.

So it's time for an honesty check.

SUNSHINE AND RAINBOWS DO NOT SHOOT OUT OF MY ASSHOLE 24 HOURS A DAY.

Yeah I might spend a lot of time going full hippy dippy spiritual around here, but, believe it or not, I do not do kundalini yoga vision quests to the surface of the moon while wearing a flower crown and eating tempeh tacos most of the time.

But I bet he does.

I am not happy all of the time.  I go through incredibly shitty days, weeks, months, and years (let's not talk about calendar years 2009-2010).  I deal with mild depression, anxiety, social anxiety, introversion, and low self-esteem on a daily basis.

The last two weeks have not been fun for me.  I have been hurting.  I have been struggling.  I feel lonely and isolated and just burdened by a thousand little problems that won't seem to sort themselves out no matter what solution I throw at them.

But here is what I do know and what I carry around with me at all times: a deep and abiding belief that life has a cycle of its own design, that everything absolutely does work out for the best, that happiness will always be found, that the Universe is a deeply good place, that human beings are perfectly imperfect, and that just because something isn't working out right now doesn't mean that it never will.

My happiness right now is just a set of lost keys. I've turned over every sofa cushion, retraced every step, searched through every garbage can, torn apart my car, and what I've determined is this:  sometimes your happiness is found in being sad, in standing still and just letting yourself live through the process.  If everything in life is a lesson, then sometimes the universe sends us sadness for a reason.  It doesn't last.  What truly excites me is that I know when it seems like nothing is happening, EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING.  Everything is simmering underneath the placid surface of my life right now.

I don't understand how that couldn't put a little kick in anyone's step.  I'm living on the verge of something wonderful.  That's some cool shit.

So, yes, I rot sometimes. And I try to embrace it because I know the next cycle of joy in my life can't start until I do.