January 5, 2015

A Little Bit Fat and Tacky...

... is the name of the memoir I'm going to write when I'm 97.

It comes from a quote from director Billy Wilder's (ex) wife Audrey about another Audrey, the waif-like star of his movie Sabrina, Audrey Hepburn.

"Through no fault of hers, (she) makes me feel fat and tacky. Also I suddenly realized I probably drink and smoke too much."

Yup.  That about sums it up.

After my birthday dinner tomorrow evening (a carb fest at Bella Vita Bistro), I'm officially starting my get healthy for the wedding diet/lifestyle change/cleanse/spiritual awakening/humdinger.  It's going to be so super cool, said nobody ever.

I've actually gained back about 25-30 lbs of weight over the past several months.  It turns out that relationships, even healthy and happy ones, have a way of fucking around with a single lady's finely tuned Rain Man-like existence of Jeopardy and underwear from K-mart.  Or in my case rarely eating bread and 2 mile walks by the river that was right outside my back stoop.

Before if I wanted to eliminate something from my diet, I just wouldn't buy it.  And I rarely went out to eat because if I wanted to sit alone in public and be pitied I could accomplish that a million other ways for free.

But, seriously, you guys, I have got one of the most intense case of the lazies these days that I've ever experienced.  I've also got an intense case of the pepperoni pizzas.

So I had to have a little come to Jesus with myself, the result of which was me signing up for DietBet, making Wade dust off his Diamond Dallas Page yoga DVDs (it's totally a thing and I'm super excited to try it), and reminding myself that I'm a 7th level vision master ninja bad ass when it comes to this whole healthy living weight loss thing (remember that time I lost 130 lbs...HELLO!).   So onward non-denominational soldiers, I've got this!

Also, this blog from Andie at Can You Stay For Dinner? about the connection between being fat and apologizing for yourself and trying to be small really kicked me in teeth heart-wise.

In other news, I'm delving deep into the batshit craziness of a bridal expo next weekend... so expect a report about that in the near future!  Also engagement photos!


I hope all of you are well and shining bright like diamonds for the new year!


  1. Good luck! If you have any tips that work, shoot them my way! (Barb Coffman)

  2. I am so excited!! So glad you are writing your bullshit again!

  3. Of all the expos, Bridal Expos (caps are a necessity) are the most batshit crazy. They're amazing- as you now know.


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