Hello Strangers!

I'm getting back into the old non-vacation normal life groove so I will have photos and Tales of Cruising Shenanigans next week... most likely Monday.

In the meantime  I'd like you to watch this clip of Jess and Nick kissing on this week's episode of New Girl and let it send you into a spiraling out of control tornado of feelings.  Because that's what it does to me.

That second smaller kiss is basically a hot knife thrust right into the center of my cold, dead heart.

The Internet's #1 Resource For Photos of Pep Guardiola In Suits

I love to check the search keywords in the traffic sources for my blog.  It gives me no end of joy to see how people (okay like 1 person) stumbled across my blog.  These were the results when I came back from vacation for 8 days:

As you can see I'm skewing very heavily towards the Pep Guardiola suit and style appreciation demographic.  Which means that the world is exactly as it should be.

She's BACK!!

I'm home and on solid ground, but I've got a wicked case of something called 'land sickness'.  It's where you are on solid ground, but you still feel like you're on a boat.  Super fun!

I have so many excellent stories to tell from my trip, and I took a ton of photos (including a very special photo of myself, Kristine, and the CAPTAIN!!!!!!).

As soon as I can get a breath from catching up at work and unpacking I'm going to deluge you with anecdotes from the trip.  So get ready for that.

Talk to y'all later!

Lies We Tell Ourselves

I just realized that I give myself this exact pep talk every time I leave the house, and, you guys, it's not even true.

I say the most ridiculous things and then cringe over them for at least a week before finally moving on.  I'm not even sure how I have any friends most of the time.

I am, however, much more outgoing than I have ever been before.  I actually enjoy meeting people and talking to people... whether or not they enjoy talking to me is another issue.  But it seems that some of my shyness and introversion has faded away a lot over the past year or so.

So one of my main goals this year is to go out and circulate a bit more.  Make some new friends, do some new things, end up in jail... WHO KNOWS?!

The main problem I'm finding with doing this is that I'm the only truly single person in my tiny circle of friends (more of a triangle of friends really).  So in order to go out and make some new friends, I'm going to have to go out alone??? Oh gawd... I just can't.

What do you think?  I wish they had a dating website for just making friends... oh wait they do... it's called Facebook and it's the devil.

Blerg.

Jess' A Plus Gold Star Ticket To Ride Running Playlist

I run.  3 times a week I run.  It's a thing that I do that I hate doing, but do anyways.

I don't recommend it.

The only thing I like about running is getting to make a new killer running playlist every week.  That's it.

Here's what I'm listening to this week:

1. Marina and the Diamonds - Obsessions (Ocelot Remix)

2. Of Monsters and Men - King and Lionheart

3. Stars - Hold On When You Get Love and Let Go When You Give It

4. Mumford and Sons - Lover of the Light

5. Mikhael Paskalev - Jive Babe

6. Ke$ha - Die Young

Starships used to be my go-to running song, but I injured myself a couple of weeks ago because it makes me feel like I can in fact run as fast as a starship.  So we're on a break from each other for awhile while I'm listening to Ke$ha.

Auf Wiedersehen, Asshole.

I'm on vacation, kids!

That means 10 whole days without your pal Jess.  BUMMER SUMMER. I know.

I do have a couple of things scheduled to post while i'm away, but in the meantime just write me love letters and work on this homework assignment:

I need you to tell me the kinds of things you'd like me to write about more.  I can obviously talk forever about nothing and pretend people care, but what kind of stuff are you actually interested in reading?  I'm dying to know.

I feel like my last blog post before vacation should be more profound and thoughtful just in case I die... so here are the three greatest lessons I have gleaned from life:

1. Never put on pantyhose in front of a man.
2. Close your legs to married men. (learned from observation, NOT experience)
3. Always do things that terrify you.

Keep slow strutting across rainbows until I get back (probably married to a sea captain)!

Imaginary Boyfriend Thursday... Wilkommen Edition

It's official, kids... our sartorial patron saint Pep Guardiola is headed to Munich next season to coach FC Bayern Munich.

You guys, just imagine Mr. Dapper As Fuck himself just absolutely Hugo Boss'd to within an inch of his life.

UNF.

And those Bayern Boys better start getting their jeans tailored immediately and keep their sartorial game tight....  Pep doesn't fuck around with off-the-shelf Levi's.

We've got a lot of work to do before next season.

Actual Golden Retriever puppy and Bayern goalkeeper, Manuel Neuer.