Riotous Late Summer Tingles

I'm heavily into dog pool parties and other dog pool party related interests these days.

Today I thought I would share some bits and bats that are really putting the jive in my turkey these days.


1. This mock turtleneck poncho top from Forever 21 which is light enough to wear in 80° weather, but black enough to make me look like a witch (my favorite aesthetic).

2. Devil's Spoke by Laura Marling... is goth folk a genre?  It should be.

3. This makeup tutorial is the perfect summer to fall transition... nude lip for summer, berry lip for winter.

4. Opinion sharing time:  This should have been the song of the summer.

Get off my areola, indeed.

5. Planning on making these pretzel bread bowls and filling them with beer cheese soup very soon.  Hello Oktoberfest.

6. An important reminder:

I hope y'all are kicking this Monday to the moon!

P.S.  Only 19 days to go!

Things and Such

Greetings and Howdy-Do!  Long time no bullshit!

This wedding nonsense is winding down (1 month and 1 day left you guys!), and life is being less life-y... so blogging here I come!

Let's ease me back in gently with some things I found while being inundated with wedding related advertising.  I can't wait for my recommendations on Etsy to not look like this anymore:

First of all let's talk about Diesel the Bulldog.

You guys this is a metaphor for so many things in my life.  Mostly my relationship with food.

Speaking of food (and weird relationships with food)... someone buy this for me.

Have you ever purchased an article of clothing because you were excited about how much food you could comfortably eat while wearing it?  I'd like to introduce you to my new Thanksgiving dinner shirt:

It's basically a tablecloth with a hole cut out for my head.  Thanks, Forever 21!

So I really would like to make blogging a regular thing again.  I miss this blog's musk so much!  I promise not to change it to a cute-sy asshole newlywed blog with an asshole name like 'Miss to Missus'.  Barf me to death.

Also,  this is what Henry has been up to:

Talk to you soon, dumplings!

A Sneak Peek At Our Engagement Photos!

A few weeks ago on a bright and sunny Monday afternoon in March,  Wade and I met with our super rad wedding photographer Brandi with Lola Jo Photo Design to have our engagement photos taken.

We have been so excited to collaborate with Brandi on these photos because she was our first choice for our wedding photographer, and photography was one of the first major wedding details we nailed down after getting engaged.

However, I super duper hate getting my photo taken.  It's not because I hate how I look.  I just feel really uncomfortable being the center of attention.

There are Portias and there are Ellens on this red carpet of life.  I am an Ellen.

But our afternoon with Brandi went swimmingly and I think the results speak for themselves!

Scroll down for the big reveal!

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BOOM.  Photo magic in your face.

Okay.... here are some actual engagement photos.

Needless to say, I am so pleased with the results and I can't wait for our big day to get here!

In other news, my wedding dress arrived and it fits perfectly so I can eat all of the hot dogs I want (within reason) up until my wedding day and it will be A-OK.  Huzzah!

I Went To a Bridal Fair and Only Had One Panic Attack

Way way back in January, when the cold and snow still seemed like a quaint opportunity to indulge in coziness, I coerced my mom and Aunt Rho into accompanying me to the local bridal fair.

I prepared. I read blog posts with tips about how to negotiate the shit storm of information and solicitation one would encounter. I put together a BINDER with TABS and POUCHES.

I brought a pen, you guys.

I had a super brief shopping list of vendors to check out because, lo and behold, I had actually broken my lifelong tradition of procrastinating everything to the last effing day/week/month, and found myself ahead of my planning schedule.

What I needed:

- A DJ

- A Florist

- To sample all of the caterers even though I already had a caterer


What I left with:

- A string quartet for the ceremony that I never even knew I needed/wanted/could afford

- A lot of business cards

- A desperate and irrational need for one of these dumb but awesome shirts.

I KNOW.  So basic, but GIMMEGIMMEGIMME.

I made it about 1/3 of the way through the vendors before I had my meltdown. It was one I had needed to have for weeks… one that for many people would have been preempted by simply asking their loved ones for help.

Being an unintentionally dramatic sort… I decided to go with my tried and true technique of bottling things up until I explode.

As I always say "If it ain’t broke… don’t try to resolve it without causing a scene!"

My aunt and my mom were great. They pulled me aside, listened to my barrage of “But WHOs? But HOWs? But WHENNNs?” and calmly reassured me that all of these things would be figured out and taken care of and that I had plenty of help. I would not spend my wedding away running around the reception space setting up elaborate centerpieces and trying to paint my dog’s toenails. (Note to self: Add ‘Ask father to paint dog’s toenails’ to to-do list).


Because, you know, it is all going to get done. And it’s going to be awesome and now that things are coming together and I can anticipate what it’s going to look/be/feel like to have my friends and family surrounding me when I marry my favorite being in the entire universe… well… I seriously can’t wait, you guys!

You'll Meet an Army of Me

Folks, I don’t know much about anything (except the care and upkeep of pugs and where to buy the best donuts), but I do know a whole heck of a lot about the wild and amazing world of insecurities.

It’s a very practical knowledge I’ve acquired over the years due to my ability to walk through this weird and wonderful world with near crippling anxiety and insecurity.

Yes, I know it all very well.

Most of my anxiety and insecurity (and I suspect this is the case for most people) stems from comparing myself to others. It’s a constant, negative voice in my head that tells me that not only am I not as interesting/beautiful/intelligent/special as others, but that everyone else can see that I’m lacking and is just as disappointed in me as I am.

It’s exhausting and a super dick-ish thing to do to yourself.

Insecurity is so insidious too. Sometimes, like today, I will start the day A-OK and then find myself swiftly sinking into a dark K-hole of meanness. It can be triggered by something or nothing. Social media seems to be the prime suspect most of the time.

As I found myself mired in this fire swamp of self loathing today, I decided that it was time for a little vulnerability and sharing. I know most of us experience this at some point, and probably most of use experience it every week if not every day.

If you find yourself similarly mired, here are the hand grenades I lob at my insecurities on a regular basis:

- Repeat to infinity the mantra “I love myself, I love myself, I love myself…”. Brains are super dumb. If you say something as a fact over and over, even if you don’t believe that fact, eventually your brain will start to believe it, and suddenly it will be true! This one is crazy important and effective. Don’t wait for others to validate you. It’s dangerous and addictive. You have to try to believe with your whole entire body that you slow strut on rainbows.

- Do something nice for others. Get out of your own head and think about adding joy to someone else’s day. Inevitably it will increase your own joy.

 - Do something nice for yourself. Buy yourself something that makes you feel rad or eat a guilt-free donut. You’ve probably earned it.

- Create a note on your phone where you can keep track of every nice thing anyone has ever said about you. Refer to it liberally and believe every word of it. This one is tough sometimes because I tend to think every compliment I am paid is just done to humor me. I counteract this by channeling my best Bette Davis bravado and mentally affirming ‘Yes’ after reading each item. Again, brains are super dumb.

- Listen to this song. On repeat, if necessary.

For the most part, I am in the best place I have ever been as far as self-love and acceptance goes, but I still have my days. Those are the days I can see how much progress I have made, and the great love affair I have with myself. I can see it in the fortitude I have to warrior through and get back to A-OK or better.

Using a machete to cut through red tape.

Keep slow strutting across those rainbows, pals, and I’ll keep slow strutting across my own.

A Little Bit Fat and Tacky...

... is the name of the memoir I'm going to write when I'm 97.

It comes from a quote from director Billy Wilder's (ex) wife Audrey about another Audrey, the waif-like star of his movie Sabrina, Audrey Hepburn.

"Through no fault of hers, (she) makes me feel fat and tacky. Also I suddenly realized I probably drink and smoke too much."

Yup.  That about sums it up.


After my birthday dinner tomorrow evening (a carb fest at Bella Vita Bistro), I'm officially starting my get healthy for the wedding diet/lifestyle change/cleanse/spiritual awakening/humdinger.  It's going to be so super cool, said nobody ever.

I've actually gained back about 25-30 lbs of weight over the past several months.  It turns out that relationships, even healthy and happy ones, have a way of fucking around with a single lady's finely tuned Rain Man-like existence of Jeopardy and underwear from K-mart.  Or in my case rarely eating bread and 2 mile walks by the river that was right outside my back stoop.

Before if I wanted to eliminate something from my diet, I just wouldn't buy it.  And I rarely went out to eat because if I wanted to sit alone in public and be pitied I could accomplish that a million other ways for free.

But, seriously, you guys, I have got one of the most intense case of the lazies these days that I've ever experienced.  I've also got an intense case of the pepperoni pizzas.

So I had to have a little come to Jesus with myself, the result of which was me signing up for DietBet, making Wade dust off his Diamond Dallas Page yoga DVDs (it's totally a thing and I'm super excited to try it), and reminding myself that I'm a 7th level vision master ninja bad ass when it comes to this whole healthy living weight loss thing (remember that time I lost 130 lbs...HELLO!).   So onward non-denominational soldiers, I've got this!

Also, this blog from Andie at Can You Stay For Dinner? about the connection between being fat and apologizing for yourself and trying to be small really kicked me in teeth heart-wise.

In other news, I'm delving deep into the batshit craziness of a bridal expo next weekend... so expect a report about that in the near future!  Also engagement photos!

Ha-cha-cha!

I hope all of you are well and shining bright like diamonds for the new year!