What I Actually Wore

I decided it would be fun(?) to do a 'What I Actually Wore' set to contrast with my super expensive fantasy 'What I Wish I Wore' sets.  It turned out to be an exercise in futility because Polyvore doesn't keep sweaters that Target sold 5 to 6 years ago in its database or a selection of cheap knock-off made in China jewelry either. I managed a rough approximation of what I am actually wearing as I sit here typing these words that you are reading.

I don't own a Balenciaga bag.  I don't own a knock-off Balenciaga bag, but I felt that this bag most accurately represented the slouch of my canvas messenger bag which I bought off of Etsy.

Neither do I own a Tory Burch wrap bracelet or a David Yurman pave diamond bracelet.  What I do own are two $4 bracelets I bought from Sam Moon that look kinda sorta like these.

Also, my Target wedges don't have that much platform because I'm already 5'8" and I don't need to walk around like Frankenstein towering over everyone and frightening children.

I do, however, own these exact trousers from Old Navy and a white Fossil watch.

So now you know.

Oh and here is a rough approximation of all the shit I put on my face this morning to achieve a "natural" look.

I'm about as natural as Kim Kardashian.  It takes a lot of work to look this average, you guys.

Productive Weekending

Things I did on Saturday:

- watched 4 movies
- walked outside and got the mail

You guys, I watched 4 entire movies on Saturday.  No fast forwarding through the boring parts or anything. I also read a bunch (A Storm of Swords... soooo good, you guys.  Not-so-spoiler alert: Next season on Game of Thrones, Danaerys is going to become even more of a bad ass).

First I watched a movie called Daydream Nation.  I decided to watch it because it starred Kat Dennings and I think she is pretty.

It was just okay.  Interesting enough that I kept watching, but didn't exactly blow my mind with awesome-ness.

Then I watched The Town.  Because HELLO... Ben Affleck, Jeremy Renner, AND Jon Hamm in one movie.

Again... just okay and not blowing my mind with awesome-ness.  I liked it though.

Then I watched The Switch with Jennifer Anniston and Jason Bateman.

It was cute, but, again, just okay.  The little kid in the movie that plays Sebastian was just stupidly adorable though.  And there was some good dialogue between Jason Bateman's character Wally and Sebastian.  This was probably my favorite scene:

Sebastian: Do you ever get scared that you could have Parkinson’s disease?

Wally: Not specifically Parkinson’s, but I’m not going to lie, I’ve had my bouts with hypochondria.

Sebastian: What’s that?

Wally: That’s thinking you have diseases that you don’t really have.

Sebastian: Oh my God. I have that.

The last movie I watched absolutely did blow my mind with awesome-ness.  It's a Belgian film called 'Bullhead' starring Matthias Schoenaerts.

This one isn't lighthearted and cute.  I love when a movie, or really, a character haunts you for days after you watch a movie or read a book.  This character is haunting.  It's just a really great physical and emotional performance.  I highly recommend it.

Congratulations On Being A Pack of Assholes, World

Here is an artist's rendering of my face right now:

Because I'm about to call some motherfuckers out.

Motherfucker #1 (a.k.a does my office look like a motherfucking phone booth to you?)

I work in an office that is adjacent to an area where a bunch of guys work (blue collar types).  Every morning around the time I am just settling in at my desk...  drinking my elixir of life (coffee), reading emails and making snarky comments in my head about them, and just having my morning 'lone time... one of these fellas will step away from their morning status meeting in the next room to take a phone call in my office.

I can't even begin to explain to anyone how much this infuriates me.  It's not even really the phone call so much as the volume at which many people seem to think it is necessary to speak into their phones in order to be heard.  What the for real fuck?

Motherfucker #2 (a.k.a. the construction workers who cried wolf)

I'm sure I'm not the only person that has encountered this phenomenon.  You are driving home from work, it's hot, your head hurts, and you are still a little pissed about people taking phone calls in your office.  It's the same route you take home every single day, but today a sign has been put up to let people know that a lane is closed ahead.  So you dutifully move into the other lane and then come across a strip of carefully placed traffic cone thingamajigs that have not yet been placed to close down the other lane.  'Alright', you think.  They must be getting ready to start the construction tomorrow.  But then the next day, the same thing. And the day after that and after that and after that and so on and so forth until one day you think 'Fuck it. I'm not moving over again because they probably still haven't closed down this lane yet.' Aaaaaand... guess what?

Motherfucker #3 (a.k.a I guess that Matlock marathon kept you pretty busy all day)

There is nothing and I mean NOTHING that I hate more than having to stop at the grocery store on the way home from work.  I will happily eat trail mix for dinner if it means that I can avoid a grocery trip. But at some point, even I have to cave and take myself to the store for some proper nutrition and shit.  And because I work all day this usually happens at around 3 to 5 o'clock on my way from my job.  Why... WHY?! for the love of God and Saint Mary's Blessed Vagina do elderly/retired people think that this is an appropriate time to slow poke their way through a goddamn grocery store?  They own the entire day whilst the rest of us are at work.  They could go at any time and  yet they seem to choose the busiest fucking 3 hour period of the day to buy denture cream and cat food.

And thus concludes my rage session.

So I'll be over here eating a Dove candy bar until the world is ready to apologize.  Which better take less than 3 seconds because that is as long as it takes for me to eat one.

Let's Take A Moment To Appreciate...

... my new Tarte EmphasEYES inner rim brightener eye pencil for making me look bright-eyed and bushy-tailed when I am definitely not.

... being able to buy clothes from the non-plus size department in stores. Huzzah.

... these photos of Fernando Torres holding onto his daughter Nora's doll while celebrating his Euro 2012 win.

... and pugs.

Have a great Fourth of July, kids!  And don't set all of your money on fire all at once!!