Imaginary Boyfriend Thursday... Super Power Edition

You guys, I totally have a super power.

Unfortunately it's not something very useful or the power I really want like time travel  and invisibility.

My super power is the ability to spot a handsome, English former public school boy at 100 paces.

They can try to disguise themselves by putting on a baseball cap or affecting an American accent, but they can never fool me.

Case in point:

The new season of one of my newest favorite shows, Boardwalk Empire, started two weeks ago.  In the first episode, there is a scene where one of the main characters, Margaret, is touring a hospital and has a testy conversation with a young doctor.  It's not an incredibly noteworthy scene, and yet it made me sit up a little straighter and say to myself, "Well well well... and who have we here?"

I'll tell you who we have here:

His name is Patrick Kennedy. He's British.  He went to Harrow with Benedict Cumberbatch. And he was in War Horse with Benedict AND Tom Hiddleston.

You guys, it doesn't help that his character on Boardwalk Empire is basically Mr. Darcy as a doctor in a 1920s era hospital.  Very arrogant and dismissive with the opposite of a bedside manner.

I can tell his character is going to be a maddening asshole... which I kind of have a soft spot for.  He certainly got Margaret Thompson fired up.

And so, burdened with this supernatural ability (and glorious purpose), the next logical question is 'how will I use it for the greater good?'

Answer: Honestly I'm not all that concerned about the greater good, but for the greater good of myself I hope I can use it to get myself a cute, English boyfriend.

You A Bad Bitch

There are just days, you know.

Days when you look like a librarian on the outside, but feel like the Black Widow on the inside.

Days when you just feel like you need to shoot a Kalashnikov or throw a grenade at something.  And then casually waltz away as the world erupts around you... all set to a kick ass soundtrack.

Well I can't do any of those things today... especially not the skin-tight leather body suit part, but I can listen to my new kick-ass super villainess soundtrack.

1. Demons (Diplo remix) - Sleigh Bells

2. Army of Me (Sucker Punch remix) - Björk (featuring Skunk Anansie)

3. Titanium - David Guetta (featuring Sia)

4. Bitch - Plastiscines

5. Immigrant Song - Karen O, Trent Reznor, and Atticus Ross (from the Girl With A Dragon Tattoo soundtrack)

6. Ich Will - Rammstein

7. Boys Wanna Be Her - Peaches

So, my fellow bad bitches,  let's suit up in our skin-tight leather and go kick the shit out of life.

Imaginary Boyfriend Thursday... Comeback Edition!

Yesterday when I logged into my email I had a notification of a comment on my previous blog from user 'bloody awful poetry'... and, you guys, it just really made my day because it was such a super nice comment.  Sometimes you just need a little blog love from a total stranger to give you some inspiration.

So I thought, in honor of that random act of gratuitous blog kindness, I would revive Imaginary Boyfriend Thursday in her honor.

And since this is my comeback, I thought I should pick someone super hot that is also trying to make a comeback: Tottenham Hotspurs manager Andre Villas-Boas!!

Now, you've already heard about my undying love for the dapper-as-fuck Pep Guardiola (who is currently living in NYC after leaving Barcelona... anyone up for a celebrity stalking trip to the Upper West Side?), but I think Andre is nudging his sartorial game into Pep territory.

Kind of in love with the little Tottenham emblem embroidered on his tie.
I'm sucker for a well-executed whimsical detail.

You see, Andre didn't have such a great time last season.  He was hired as the manager at Chelsea and then promptly sacked mid-season by the owner/Russian billionaire/Bond villain, Roman Abramovich.  Chelsea finished the season under Andre's second in command, Roberto Di Matteo.

He was made the manager of the Tottenham Hotspurs over the summer, and got off to a bit of an iffy start drawing the first two matches of the season.  But the team won their last match against Reading and I think this fella is on the comeback trail.

Source.

Yep, our man AVB has definitely got it going on.

Feelings Ghost

A couple of months ago I read a paragraph length review on Tumblr of Lykke Li's cover of Fleetwood Mac's Silver Springs that I really liked.

I really like the song too.  It's beautiful.  You should listen to it... here.

But this part of the review really got to me:

“Let’s take the best shy girl singing about being a shy girl in 2k12 and make her sing this fucking classic song about being bad at love and turning into a feelings ghost,” they said.

Something about that phrase 'feelings ghost'  really hit home for me.  

As a person who loves to write, is in love with language, and collects words and phrases the way others collect porcelain figurines, I love finding a phrase that really manages to encapsulate an entire state of being in a succinct, perfect way.

I would struggle to explain to you what 'feelings ghost' means to me because it would be hard to define it without using the phrase 'feelings ghost'.  Sometimes a writer finds such a perfect way to describe something you don't know how to explain it without just repeating the phrase back, but with slightly different emphasis.  Like repeating the same word over and over in a slightly louder voice to a person that doesn't speak English, as if volume was the key to making them understand what you meant.

So instead of shouting the phrase 'FEELINGS GHOST' at you over and over, I thought I would share some music that make me feel like a feelings ghost in the hopes that you might understand some glimmer of what I'm struggling to say.

Björk - Hyperballad

"I go through this before you wake up so I can be happier to be safe up here with you."

Sarah Jaffe - Clementine

Death Cab For Cutie - Marching Bands of Manhattan

"Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole. Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound. But while you debate half empty or half full, it slowly rises. Your love is going to drown."

New Order - Temptation

Van Morrison - Sweet Thing

"And I will walk in gardens all wet with rain, and I will never, ever, ever, ever grow so old again."

What I Actually Wore

I decided it would be fun(?) to do a 'What I Actually Wore' set to contrast with my super expensive fantasy 'What I Wish I Wore' sets.  It turned out to be an exercise in futility because Polyvore doesn't keep sweaters that Target sold 5 to 6 years ago in its database or a selection of cheap knock-off made in China jewelry either. I managed a rough approximation of what I am actually wearing as I sit here typing these words that you are reading.

I don't own a Balenciaga bag.  I don't own a knock-off Balenciaga bag, but I felt that this bag most accurately represented the slouch of my canvas messenger bag which I bought off of Etsy.

Neither do I own a Tory Burch wrap bracelet or a David Yurman pave diamond bracelet.  What I do own are two $4 bracelets I bought from Sam Moon that look kinda sorta like these.

Also, my Target wedges don't have that much platform because I'm already 5'8" and I don't need to walk around like Frankenstein towering over everyone and frightening children.

I do, however, own these exact trousers from Old Navy and a white Fossil watch.

So now you know.

Oh and here is a rough approximation of all the shit I put on my face this morning to achieve a "natural" look.

I'm about as natural as Kim Kardashian.  It takes a lot of work to look this average, you guys.

Productive Weekending

Things I did on Saturday:

- watched 4 movies
- walked outside and got the mail

You guys, I watched 4 entire movies on Saturday.  No fast forwarding through the boring parts or anything. I also read a bunch (A Storm of Swords... soooo good, you guys.  Not-so-spoiler alert: Next season on Game of Thrones, Danaerys is going to become even more of a bad ass).

First I watched a movie called Daydream Nation.  I decided to watch it because it starred Kat Dennings and I think she is pretty.

It was just okay.  Interesting enough that I kept watching, but didn't exactly blow my mind with awesome-ness.

Then I watched The Town.  Because HELLO... Ben Affleck, Jeremy Renner, AND Jon Hamm in one movie.

Again... just okay and not blowing my mind with awesome-ness.  I liked it though.

Then I watched The Switch with Jennifer Anniston and Jason Bateman.

It was cute, but, again, just okay.  The little kid in the movie that plays Sebastian was just stupidly adorable though.  And there was some good dialogue between Jason Bateman's character Wally and Sebastian.  This was probably my favorite scene:

Sebastian: Do you ever get scared that you could have Parkinson’s disease?

Wally: Not specifically Parkinson’s, but I’m not going to lie, I’ve had my bouts with hypochondria.

Sebastian: What’s that?

Wally: That’s thinking you have diseases that you don’t really have.

Sebastian: Oh my God. I have that.

The last movie I watched absolutely did blow my mind with awesome-ness.  It's a Belgian film called 'Bullhead' starring Matthias Schoenaerts.

This one isn't lighthearted and cute.  I love when a movie, or really, a character haunts you for days after you watch a movie or read a book.  This character is haunting.  It's just a really great physical and emotional performance.  I highly recommend it.

Congratulations On Being A Pack of Assholes, World

Here is an artist's rendering of my face right now:

Because I'm about to call some motherfuckers out.

Motherfucker #1 (a.k.a does my office look like a motherfucking phone booth to you?)

I work in an office that is adjacent to an area where a bunch of guys work (blue collar types).  Every morning around the time I am just settling in at my desk...  drinking my elixir of life (coffee), reading emails and making snarky comments in my head about them, and just having my morning 'lone time... one of these fellas will step away from their morning status meeting in the next room to take a phone call in my office.

I can't even begin to explain to anyone how much this infuriates me.  It's not even really the phone call so much as the volume at which many people seem to think it is necessary to speak into their phones in order to be heard.  What the for real fuck?

Motherfucker #2 (a.k.a. the construction workers who cried wolf)

I'm sure I'm not the only person that has encountered this phenomenon.  You are driving home from work, it's hot, your head hurts, and you are still a little pissed about people taking phone calls in your office.  It's the same route you take home every single day, but today a sign has been put up to let people know that a lane is closed ahead.  So you dutifully move into the other lane and then come across a strip of carefully placed traffic cone thingamajigs that have not yet been placed to close down the other lane.  'Alright', you think.  They must be getting ready to start the construction tomorrow.  But then the next day, the same thing. And the day after that and after that and after that and so on and so forth until one day you think 'Fuck it. I'm not moving over again because they probably still haven't closed down this lane yet.' Aaaaaand... guess what?

Motherfucker #3 (a.k.a I guess that Matlock marathon kept you pretty busy all day)

There is nothing and I mean NOTHING that I hate more than having to stop at the grocery store on the way home from work.  I will happily eat trail mix for dinner if it means that I can avoid a grocery trip. But at some point, even I have to cave and take myself to the store for some proper nutrition and shit.  And because I work all day this usually happens at around 3 to 5 o'clock on my way from my job.  Why... WHY?! for the love of God and Saint Mary's Blessed Vagina do elderly/retired people think that this is an appropriate time to slow poke their way through a goddamn grocery store?  They own the entire day whilst the rest of us are at work.  They could go at any time and  yet they seem to choose the busiest fucking 3 hour period of the day to buy denture cream and cat food.

And thus concludes my rage session.

So I'll be over here eating a Dove candy bar until the world is ready to apologize.  Which better take less than 3 seconds because that is as long as it takes for me to eat one.