February 26, 2013


I found this while I was stumbling around on Pinterest recently, and it has since started sloshing around in the same part of my brain that usually hosts midnight existential anxiety parties.

Quote attributed to Kelly Cutrone.

It has been sloshing around in there, and handing out free Quaaludes and mugs of warm chamomile tea to all the usual party-goers: the 'is there something wrong with me?', the 'why is everyone else having babies and buying houses and I'm still poor and alone?', the 'gee whiz it sure seems like everyone else is having a great time', the 'what if I'm meant to die alone in a hoarder house?' , and, my favorite guest, the 'why do good things always seem to happen for everybody else?'.

I am 31.  That means, according to this quote anyways, I get to have one last year to cocoon.  One year to not even think about important adult business like marriage and babies.  One year to figure out if I really even want either of those things. One year.

I'm grabbing it by the meatiest part of its balls.

So what am I going to do this year?... well hopefully a lot of terrifying things that tie into my New Years(ish) Resolutions.

- I want to write a novel length something. And let people read it.
- I want to ride in a hot air balloon.
- I want to go on picnics alone.
- I want to stand on the edge of a cliff and look straight down.
- I want to complete a 5K race. (I have already signed up for this one)
- I want to give my phone number to an attractive stranger.
- I want to burn bridges with toxic people. Just fucking annihilate them.
- I want to ride a horse.
- I want to strip my life down to the most important essentials.
- I want to jump off of the high diving board.
- I want to write an earnest love letter to someone.
- I want to be vulnerable every day.

So Project Cocoon commences.  This year is going to be full of riotous joy... I can feel it in my 31 year old bones.


  1. Dude, you grab those meaty balls and you dig into this year. I think you can absolutely do it all. How amazing will that be? Marking off all of those things from your list?

    While making plans for a hot air balloon ride, don't do it in Egypt. That shit can end badly.

    1. This might make me sound like a morbid weirdo, but if I'm going to die young please let it be doing something awesome like going on a hot air balloon ride in Egypt. That's a good death.

    2. I mean... I guess that's true... at least it's an exotic death that the entire world will hear about and millions will mourn you abstractly...


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