May 31, 2012

The Absolute Worst

Hey guys!  Guess what?  No Imaginary Boyfriend this week.

It turns out it's a good thing I took that imaginary vacation with Xavi on Tuesday because I'm currently in the midst of a shitstorm of work.

Basically my desk looks like Stannis' fleet being ravaged by wildfire:

That's another Game of Thrones reference for all of the non-nerds.
I am also fighting off getting a cold.  Possibly I already have the cold and I am in denial about it, but the reality I am choosing to accept is that I do not as of yet have the cold and by force of will I will prevent myself from getting it.

So it will be back to our regularly scheduled programming next week.

May 29, 2012

Let's Take An Imaginary Vacation!

Years ago when I hated entirely loathed my job, I used to play a game with myself
to decompress and escape every once in awhile.

This game has very simple, easy-to-follow rules:

1. Browse resort websites online.
2. Pick out the one you like the best.
3. Pretend you are vacationing there instead of in your office being miserable.

I heard a morning tv show mention this weekend that studies show that most people
get more enjoyment out of planning a vacation than they do out of the actual vacation.
So it turns out my imaginary vacation planning game might not be so random.

Today my imaginary boyfriend Xavi is taking me to the Seychelles for a quick getaway
before the start of Euro.

We're staying at the Four Seasons Resort.  It looks pretty rad, you guys.

And since my stomach is so perfectly flat, I'll be wearing this most of the time:

What I Wish I Wore On Holiday 1

What I Wish I Wore On Holiday 1 by luxlis featuring a straw beach tote

I'll send you guys a postcard!

May 24, 2012

Imaginary Boyfriend Thursday... Minimum Effort Edition

I'm picking Jon Hamm this week as my imaginary boyfriend even though in my heart my imaginary boyfriend is still Pep because tomorrow is his last ever game with Barcelona.

Have you ever heard of a 'walker'?

A walker is a guy you go out with in between relationships...  someone you aren't emotionally attached to that you take as your date to parties and weddings or just for fun nights out on the town.  This is not to say that you don't find him attractive or charming/amusing/awesome... you just aren't overly emotionally invested.  A walker is someone you have fun with just for the sake of having fun.

I think Jon Hamm would make an excellent walker.

Yep.  Definitely the best possible walker in existence.

May 22, 2012

Sometimes Every Super Hero Needs Her Theme Music

My iPod did me right today and I thought I should give it props by posting the first five it delivered to me this morning.

I really needed a kick in the ass this morning, and Senor iPod knew what was up.

1. A Town Called Malice - The Jam

2. Telephone - Lady Gaga and Beyonce

3. Creator - Santogold

4. If - Janet Jackson

5. Someday - The Strokes

You know what one of my favorite things in the whole wide world is?  I just love it when you see someone in their car just absolutely losing their shit listening to a song.  I saw a guy last week doing a vicious drum solo in his car on the morning commute, and it put a smile on my face for the entire day.  We should all be doing that more often.

May 21, 2012


This is the sum total of what I have accomplished at work today:

I played MASH online.

I'm married to Pep Guardiola....

I doubt his wife will have a problem with this.  Sister wives!!
I drive a red Lambourghini Countach...

That's a sweet Lambo, you guys.
To my job as a waterbed saleswoman....

Financing available.
And after a hard day convincing people that waterbeds AREN'T the worst idea ever invented, I come home to my house in Holland....

So maybe I have to park the Lambo and commute part of the way by row boat?

Where Pep and I eat crepes with Nutella and Bicerin...

Bicerin recipe here.
And he never once complains about it being "too much chocolate" or "too rich".  And then we cuddle and watch Fraggle Rock with our 5 children: Pep Jr., Johann, Zinedine, Maradona, and Xavi Dos.

My imagination filled in some of the gaps.

May 17, 2012

Imaginary Boyfriend Thursday... We Now Interrupt Our Regularly Scheduled Program Edition

So yesterday as I was doing some hard hitting investigative research on Tumblr for Imaginary Boyfriend Thursday I got sidetracked by this gem from Cosmopolitan Magazine:

And no joke I was like this for 15 minutes straight:

You guys.... a DICK DONUT?  Is this what it has come to?

I think my favorite part about this "tip" is the visual I have in my mind of the actual act as well as the visual I have in my mind of the brainstorming session where the "journalists" at Cosmo came up with this act.

I just don't have the correct words to sum up all of my feelings about this.

So i'll just keep doing this:

Okay... ahem.  Onwards!

Since I didn't properly research this week's Imaginary Boyfriend, I'm just going to throw these photos of Jeremy Renner up without commentary and hope it is sufficient.

Who needs ovaries?
I wonder if Jeremy Renner likes donuts?

May 16, 2012

And This Is What I Wore To The Major Award Ceremony

Aw Shucks

The loverly JJ at Simple Musings gave me a major award!

The Beautiful Blogger Award is for those blogs that are creative, original, and add to the blogging community. You are supposed to bestow it on seven people.

The rules:
Link to the creative, beautiful genius that bestowed it upon you.
List seven random things about yourself.
Send said award to seven (or however many you want) other creative beautiful geniuses.
Tell those lucky people that you've done this and give them the rules.

Seven random things about me (but let's be honest, pretty much everything about my entire existence is random):

1. My pug Henry has a middle name, and that name is a character from Lord of the Rings.  Also, it is the best character in Lord of the Rings.  Try and guess it.

2. I could watch Deadliest Catch until my eyes fell out of my face.

3. I once had a crush on a photo of a Laplander I saw in an ancient issue of National Geographic for like a year.

4.  Like I seriously wanted to move to Norway and live in a tent and eat reindeer stew with this stranger.

5. I wish I had taken acting lessons as a child.  Mostly because I think it would have made me less shy, but also because I think it would have been fun.

6. I don't sleep with a top sheet or my blankets tucked in because the pressure on my feet makes me feel like I'm in a straight jacket... but just on my legs... so straight pants?  I don't know... it just drives me nuts.

7. At any given moment I probably wish I were eating Skittles.

So first of all, thank you so much to JJ for the award.  You guys, my favorite thing about the internet is how you sometimes randomly meet these awesome people that you probably never would have had the chance to get to know otherwise.  JJ is one of those people.  She gets me.  No really... we have some kind of Vulcan mind meld going on involving pugs and hot guys.  It's awesome.

Please don't look at us when we are melding. 
And I'm going to break the rules and give the award to just one person: Kari at The Sunset Lane.  Because she (and her blog) are pretty much the definition of this award: beautiful, creative, and adding to the blogging community.  Her projects are so creative and awesome.  Plus, you guys, I've been in her house and it looks just as awesome and creative in person.

May 14, 2012

Monday Morning Things and Such

You guys, I wasn't really planning on seeing The Avengers.

But now I'm thinking I definitely maybe should go?

This weekend I got my first book for my reading the 50 greatest books project.  I'm starting at #50 with Tom Jones and working my way to #1 over the course of the next 7,000 years (approximately).

Who knew a biography of Tom Jones was such an important and influential book?  I didn't.
I also bought myself this t-shirt to wear during my Euro viewing activities this summer:

Those are the names of the core Spanish National Team.  I will be the nerd wearing this.

Although, if I had my choice it would be a t-shirt with just this motherflippers face and torso emblazoned on it:

In other news, I am .2 lbs away from reaching my next 10% weight loss goal.   I probably would have reached it if I hadn't eaten 15 chocolate cookies this weekend.  Very exciting, though!  I'm at the lowest weight I have been in like 3 years.  Huzzah!

May 10, 2012

Imaginary Boyfriend Thursday... Dapper As Fuck Edition

I've already talked about all of the (non-superficial) reasons I am infatuated with Pep Guardiola.  So let's focus on the superficial ones... because they are much more fun.

Pep's sartorial game is 100% immaculate.

Hoodies, cardigans, and sweater vests... oh my!!

The cardigan under the tailored suit look is killing me softly, you guys.

Even in jeans...I mean how are his jeans so perfect?!  Are they tailored too?

This shirt looks so soft.  It makes me want to pet  him slightly more than usual.

We need Pep to come to America immediately to teach these basic American boys about real swagger.  For realsies.

Okay.  I guess I'll stop now.  I think I've made my point.

May 8, 2012

My Barca Boys

You know how there are things that you just love without having to think about it or try?

Things like:

- a slice of warm pie with vanilla ice cream

- re-runs of Designing Women

- watching someone fall down

- that first sip of ice-cold beer on a hot day

- the way wheat fields looks in May... all green and velvet-y

These are not acquired tastes.  You just love them... you savor them without even having to remind yourself to do so.

Well, that's how I feel about soccer.  That's how I feel about FC Barcelona soccer.

Someday, you guys.  I will be right smack dab in this middle
of these shenanigans.
So the thing is, if you met me in real life, I am not the kind of person you would meet and think 'I bet this girl is really passionately obsessed with sports and especially soccer.'  You just wouldn't.  You would probably more likely think 'I wonder how many cats she has, and should I tell her that her fly is down?'

But I am. I may be writing this right smack dab in the middle of Kansas, but I am no less a culé than if I were sitting right smack dab in the middle of that stadium in Barcelona.

Instead of trying to write a 20 page essay about Barca that no one in their right mind would ever try to read I will  simply highlight my two favorite people on the team.

First up is Xavi.

I'm convinced that if I ever made direct eye contact
with Xavi, I would instantly melt into a puddle of
strawberry jam and rainbows.
Xavi is just Xavi.  No last name necessary.  He is Il Maestro.  He is the heart and soul of the team.  I once read a quote from one of his teammates that the first thing any of them do when they get the ball is to find Xavi and pass the ball to him.  He is not a superstar in the sense that he rarely makes goals himself, but if a goal is scored by one of his teammates there is a 99% chance that it was scored from a pass that he set up.

It's really better to see him in action.

Also, one of his hobbies is mushroom-hunting.  So he is also a giant nerd, and you know how I feel about those in general.

My second favorite person at Barca is Pep Guardiola, the manager (coach).

Sometimes I think he looks like a more handsome, Spanish Karl Pilkington.

Pep is not only probably the greatest manager in Barcelona history, he is dapper as fuck.  We're talking Don Draper levels of dapperdom.  Epic.  And he's a Barcelona boy to the core.  Played there as a youth, played there as an adult, managed the B team, and then finally managed the main team.  And he's only 41 years old.

So this past Saturday was Pep's last game in Camp Nou (the Barcelona stadium) because he has decided to leave after the season ends in May.  You guys, it is for realsies breaking my heart to see him go.

So they won the game 4-0 which was awesome.

And then this happened:

It says "We love you, Pep!"

Por Los Aires

The entire team and staff dancing mid-pitch to Viva La Vida by Coldplay.

And I'm not kidding you, TEARS streaming down my face like a real asshole, you guys.

So now you know... although I'm 100% positive you were already pretty aware... I am a gigantic nerd/crazy person.

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